


Paradise (What About Us?)

by firecrackerroot



Series: Haynox Paradise [1]
Category: The Marine (Movies), World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: F/F, charlynch au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 20:52:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16709842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firecrackerroot/pseuds/firecrackerroot
Summary: But the clock is ticking. The anchor is sinking. And so are you. / The backstory of Maddy Hayes from Marine 6.





	1. Breaking The Habit

You’re drowning.

 

You did everything you were supposed to do. You got the girl. You kept the girl. And your father got the mistrial he asked for. Everything worked out as planned. Except now, after everything you did, you’re drowning. And that wasn’t part of the plan.

 

The more you squirm around, the more energy you waste and you know it’s useless. It’s futile to fight it. If only you hadn’t want to make a statement, if only you had taken the knife out of that Marine’s chest, then maybe you’d be living to fight another day. But no. You had to make a statement. You had to leave the knife behind for others to find it. For others to know that you, Maddy Hayes, did it. And because of that, you’re fighting to live.

 

But the clock is ticking.

 

The anchor is sinking.

 

_ And so are you. _

 

* * *

  
  


**_Dublin, Ireland / November, 1, 2002_ **

 

It was a typical Friday night over at the Hayes pub. The drunks were already drunk, the tabs were already open and Maddy, alongside her brother Oscar, were already running back to the storage to get a new beer keg. Oscar insisted he’d be able to carry it on his own but Maddy knew that while he was strong enough to do it, he wouldn’t be smart enough to remember to close the storage with the key he had already forgotten to bring and was safely sitting on her back pocket.

 

“Shit,” Oscar said, shoving his hands on every pocket he had. “The key.”

 

“You’re one lucky bastard, brother.” Maddy pushed him aside, waving the key over her shoulder as she made her way to the door.

 

“I already knew you had it, Mads.” Oscar shrugged and entered the storage to pick up the keg. “Brains and muscle, eh?” He added, throwing it over his shoulder. For an 18 year old, Oscar was unusually strong. For a regular 18 year old, that is. But considering that Oscar had been training since he was 10, his strength was the least surprising part of him.

 

“Yeah, yeah, hurry up, muscle man, mum’s waiting.”

 

Oscar, as per usual, did exactly what his sister told him to. From a very young age, they fell into that dynamic and it fit them like a glove. Maddy would come up with the plans or the shores they had to do, and Oscar would follow and execute. It was that way at home, in school, in general. You couldn’t have Maddy without Oscar and Oscar wouldn’t go anywhere without Maddy. 

 

Except that day. That moment. When Maddy said he should hurry to the pub while she closed the room. Maybe if he had stayed behind with her, things would’ve been different. Maybe if she had stayed in the pub with their mother, like Oscar had wanted, things would’ve been different. Instead, Maddy heard the gunshots from the outside. Instead, Maddy saw Oscar run out of the pub with their mother over his shoulder. Instead, Maddy only caught a glimpse of their faces.

 

Out of instinct, she dropped everything and ran after Oscar. She couldn’t possibly know what was happening and she couldn’t find a way to fix it. And she always fixed everything. She always planned everything. But this? This was out of her control. So when her mother told her to start the car and drive as far as she possibly could, Maddy followed suit. Sure, she was only 14 but everyone knew she could drive a car since she was 12. Her own father taught her.  _ Just in case _ , he had said. As if he could’ve predicted that one day, it would be the case.

 

“Where am I driving to?” Maddy asked, not taking her foot off of the pedal and looking at her family through the rearview mirror.

 

“Just drive, honey.” Her mother, Nora, responded from the back seat as she was handing Oscar what seemed to be a gun.

 

“Is that-”

 

“insurance.” Oscar was the one to answer this time.

 

Confusion and questions she knew wouldn't be answered in that moment almost blinded Maddy but she managed to swerve the car to the right. She drove until she didn't know where she was anymore but someone kept following them. Perhaps the faces she saw inside the pub when her brother ran out. But who could they be? And why were they chasing them?

 

Taking a left, Maddy entered familiar ground. An abandoned factory was 5 miles ahead and maybe, if Maddy could drive without the lights on, she would be able to sidetrack the car behind her. Maybe if she could take a right and drive through the thick forest, she would be able to help her family.

 

But no.

 

She had to hit a tree.

 

And her head had to hit the steering wheel because, for some reason, the airbag didn't deploy.

 

“Madeleine?” 

 

“Mads?”

 

Maddy could hear her family calling. Albeit muffled, as if they were calling her from inside a tunnel, she could. But she was having a hard time to focus and respond. She felt like her brain was running tests on every part of her body, to check if everything was okay, and figured that answering was secondary to that. 

 

“Honey?” Her mother tried once again and this time, Maddy managed to hum in return. “Oh, lass, you scared me.”

 

“M’sorry.”

 

“We have to keep going.” Oscar cut off before anyone could say anything else.

 

The moon wasn’t full therefore the forest wasn’t lit enough for them to see where they were going. But, knowing that staying in the car was worse than getting lost, Nora exited the vehicle and opened Maddy’s door. Once she felt her mother’s hands on her thigh, Maddy knew she had to gather herself and move. No matter how dizzy she was and how hard it was for her to command her body to function, she had to do it.

 

“Why are we running?”

 

“Not the time, sweetheart.” Nora’s voice had a softness to it, the same it has when she’s smiling through her worries.

 

Humming again, Maddy held Nora’s hands and let her guide her out of the car. And once out, when the breeze of the night touched her, Maddy felt a strange sensation in her forehead. Almost as if she had something glued to it, something stopping her from feeling the breeze. Something like  _ blood.  _ She raised her hand and touched it before bringing her index finger to her lips. There it was. That rusty taste.

 

“Bloody hell.” Maddy whispered through her teeth.

 

“What?” Nora asked.

 

“Nothin’” Maddy quickly replied, not wanting her mother to worry about it for the time being. “We should walk straight ahead. To the haunted factory.”

 

“I don’t like that place.” Oscar winced.

 

“Then stay here,” A jolt of pain striked Maddy’s forehead the same moment a lightning bolt lit the sky. It was fast but enough for Maddy to see their destination and push her mother towards that. “I’m taking mum.”

 

If there was going to be a day where Oscar wouldn’t follow Maddy, this surely wasn’t the one. For each step Maddy took forward, she heard Oscar stepping behind her. And sure, the pain in her head was directly proportional to the number of questions she had about what they were doing, but that wouldn’t stop her. Nothing could possibly stop her from reaching safe ground.

 

But no.

 

She had to let go of her mother’s hand to open the door.

 

And lighting had to strike again for them to see. That whoever was chasing them was two steps ahead of Maddy. Resting against the wall, with a devious smile on their faces and each holding a gun. She was outnumbered, out maneuvered and out of weapons to defend herself. And Oscar. Poor Oscar. Once the car lights were turned on, Maddy could see how Oscar’s hand was shaking. How he wouldn’t be able to take the shot if he had to. She thought about taking the gun but she wouldn’t know how to shoot it. Nor would she have the courage to.

 

Not when she didn’t know what was happening. 

 

Not when her mother turned her back to the car and told them it was okay, they would be okay.

 

Not when one of the men grabbed their mother by the hair and pushed her to the ground.

 

Not when....

 

* * *

“WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?”

 

Maddy couldn’t look up. Nor close her eyes. Because all she could see was blood. Her mother’s blood. Spreading across the abandoned road she had led her to. If only she hadn’t crashed the car. If only she hadn’t drove so far. If only she hadn’t accompany Oscar to the storage. If only her mother was still alive.

 

And it had all been her fault. No matter how Maddy tried to playback the events of the night, no matter how Maddy tried to come up with logical explanations to what had happened, the only one she could find was: it was all her fault. It was her fault that her mother had been shot down in the middle of nowhere by two men wearing army jackets. It was her fault that her brother was yelling at her father in the middle of their living room. It was her fault that the right side of her forehead was busted open.

 

It was all her fault. As it always was. Like the time Oscar was suspended for punching a boy in school because Maddy told him to do. Because the boy wanted to take her out on a date and when she said no, he told everyone she was crazy. Or like the time she heard her parents fight because she had gotten three days suspension for telling her math teacher to go fuck herself. Because said teacher thought she cheated her A+ test and wanted her to take another, to prove she hadn’t. Or even the time Oscar was grounded because he broke mum’s family portrait. Because he was cleaning it up after Maddy broke it by hitting the wall with her school bag.

 

Everything was always Maddy’s fault yet this time it was different. This time, it wasn’t something she could apologize for. This time, it wasn’t something she could fix. This time, it had cost her everything she loved.

 

“Take your sister upstairs, pack a bag and I’ll explain everything in the plane.”

 

Plane was the keyword to get Maddy down from her spiralling mind. “What?”

 

“Darlin’, we can’t stay here any longer.”

 

“Why?” Maddy felt something brewing inside her. Buzzing inside her the same way her ears were still buzzing from the gun shot. The one gun shot. “Mum is-”

 

“I know, love,” Her father, Horus, kneeled down before her and touched her chin. “That’s why we need to go.”

 

“Where? And who is going to bury her?” Maddy had to bite her own tongue not to cry because it wasn’t the time to cry. Even though she felt completely devastated, she was still aware that it wasn’t the time. “She had no family left. Just us.”

 

“And now I have to protect the rest of us. Please go pack your bags.”

 

Once again, she could’ve said no. She should’ve said no. But there was no fight left in her body. No plan left in her head. Nothing left except the empty feeling in her chest and the image of her mother that she would never forget. Maddy wanted answers but she would trade them all if could go back in time. Maybe turn left instead of right. Maybe keep driving instead of pulling over. Maybe keeping the lights on instead of turning them off. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

 

Right before she entered her room, something caught her eye. Maddy took a step back and stood in front of the giant mirror her mother demanded to have in the hall. Always check yourself before you leave, she’d say. Every day. Every morning. And there she was Maddy. Checking herself before leaving forever. The blonde headlights she had done a couple weeks back, against her mother’s will, were now tainted with blood. Her own blood. Punishment for being stupid. Punishment for making decisions on things beyond her control.

 

Lifting her hair, Maddy saw the cut for the first time. It wasn’t deep enough or big enough to leave a life changing scar. But it was deep enough and big enough to leave a reminder. Of the day when she lost her mother. When she lost herself. When everything changed. 

  
And when blonde became  _ orange _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter is the song Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park.
> 
> A/N: Friends, I'd just like to say that I don't know where this project will take us. I can envision it but I'm not sure if I can write it all. But I'm going to try. Because we need more of Maddy Hayes, that epic villain that completely stole the movie and our hearts. I hope you enjoyed this!


	2. Wake Me Up (When September Ends)

**_Portland (Oregon), USA / November 3, 2002_ **

It was her first time on a plane and Maddy couldn't care less about it. Hell, it was her first time seeing a plane and Maddy couldn't care less about it. In any other day, she would've questioned her father why they were boarding a private jet but not on that day. Not on that night. Not when all she had done since  _ it _ happened was change into some sweatpants, pack a bag and hide her bloodstained hair in a black beanie.

 

There wasn't much inside her bag because she didn't have much. They weren't poor but Maddy was a simple girl. She didn't need much to be happy. And the inside of her run away bag was proof of that.  _ However _ . It carried one item that Maddy would've never brought with her had her mother lived: The same family portrait which frame she once broke was safe inside her favourite sweater.

 

For the hours that followed, and they were too many for Maddy to keep track, she didn't say a word. She didn't answer when her brother asked if she was hungry. She didn't answer when her father asked if she was ready for the explanation he owed her. She didn't answer when their flight attendant, or assistant, or whatever she was, tried to offer her a glass of water.

 

During all those hours, Maddy had only one thing in her mind: her mother and what she would do to keep her memory alive. Because even though she asked her father to keep the necklace her mother was wearing, the same way he got to keep her wedding ring, she wanted more. She needed more.  _ Her mother deserved more _ . And if she couldn't avenge her death, because there was obviously no way to do it, she had to do something else.

 

But for every warm thought of her mother, for every comforting memory of her, Maddy would be hit by the most recent and the only one she desperately wanted to forget. She tried to force herself to sleep but to no avail so she did what would certainly make her lose complete track of time: play snake in her cellphone.

 

When the plane arrived in New York, as she was told, Maddy didn't ask for the time, only if they were done travelling. But apparently not. Apparently her father wanted to go where no member of their family would reach them. Where no friend or acquaintance would find them. A place called Portland, in the state of Oregon. Apparently her father had a “friend” there. One she'd never heard of before but she was too numb to bother asking about.

 

The same way that she didn't make any questions when her father said they had to throw their phones in the trash. Oscar tried to fight back, saying he needed it to call his girlfriend but Maddy grabbed the phone from his hand and threw it out.  _ We need to start fresh _ , her father said. And fresh was the second jet plane they entered. Not fresh because it was new but because it had a card saying “fly to a fresh start and we will greet you like family”. 

 

Whoever her father's friend was, he had been the one paying for their travelling, Maddy figured. But if he was that wealthy, how could he know her father? Did he venture into their humble pub one night in Dublin? And why would he offer his possessions to her family like that? Like they were, as the card said,  _ family _ ?

 

Perhaps it was the pile of questions inside her head or the jetlag from being tossed from one flight to another but once they were high in the sky, Maddy fell asleep. Deeply asleep. And thankfully, her dreams didn’t become nightmares. In fact, she was sure she didn’t have any dreams. It was just sleep. Peaceful, like the night sky. Embracing her, warming her, soothing her. And it worked for the first 20 minutes after waking up. But as soon as the plane landed, Maddy felt everything coming back to her. All the reasons why she was _there,_ wrapping themselves around her throat and suffocating her.

 

That feeling lingered the entire ride from the airport to the suburbs of this new town. Of this new land. It scratched inside of her, grabbing at every piece of her. Perhaps she was just hungry but food was the furthest thing from her mind. Even if her body needed it. Even if it had been almost 24 hours since she had her last meal. Maybe more, she wasn’t sure. If only the thought of food didn’t make her nauseous…

 

After what felt like an eternity of suffering, one Maddy knew she deserved more than anyone else, they pulled over by a house where a man was waiting at the door. He was tall enough, bigger than her father but not bigger than Oscar, he was dressed in a robe because it was past midnight, Maddy soon found out, and he had blonde hair. Those were the things she noticed before turning her eyes to the ground and focusing on it instead. She didn’t want to be in this man’s house. She didn’t even know who he was and quite frankly, she didn’t want to. But he greeted them as family, like he promised, and welcomed them inside.

 

“Cassie, they’re here.” The man said by the stairs and, while there was no verbal response, Maddy heard steps upstairs. Purely out of curiosity and nothing else, Maddy looked up to see this Cassie climb down the last couple of stairs. She was wearing a black hoodie and some pajama pants, with paws on them.

 

“Hi,” She smiled once she reached them at the bottom of the stairs and her father placed a hand on her shoulder.

 

“This is Horus, my dear friend, and his children: Oscar and Maddy.” He introduced them and it felt like he punched Maddy in the throat by doing it. She didn’t want to be introduced to anyone as just her father’s daughter. She didn’t want it to be a reality. It couldn’t be.

 

Somehow, Cassie seemed to notice that Maddy was losing herself again and reached for her hand but rather than grabbing it, she tapped gently on the back of it. “Are you hungry?” She asked and Maddy shook her head. On the contrary, she wanted to say, but kept her eyes looking down instead.

 

“I am,” Oscar said, to the surprise of no one. Regardless of injury, pain, state of mind, natural catastrophe, anything really, Oscar would never say no to food.

 

“The kitchen is down the hall, I left bowls and cereals on the table. You can go ahead.” Cassie instructed and, albeit small, Maddy felt a smile hovering her lips. It would take at least two bowls of cereal to satisfy her brother and she was almost certain this family wasn’t prepared for that.

 

Once again, Maddy felt the gentle tap on the back of her hand and this time, she looked up. Her eyes met Cassie’s, clear blue as the ocean under the sun, and the girl smiled at her. Gently, like the touch of a feather. “Do you want to go upstairs?”

 

“Please.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Cassie started climbing up the stairs and Maddy followed. She didn’t look back at her father, who she knew was looking at her. But she couldn’t ignore the hiccup he let out when she was halfway up. The same way she couldn’t ignore the way he told the other man “she saw everything”. Because she did. She was there. And she would never forget it.

 

And, just as she did moments before, Cassie broke Maddy’s spiralling thoughts by pointing her towards the bedroom. She turned on the lights and Maddy noticed how the furniture didn’t look right. How there were boxes on top of the desk and how one of the two twin beds wasn’t made. The sheets were folded on top of it along with two blankets and one pillow.

 

“Right, the bed,” Cassie pointed to the exact thing Maddy was thinking about. “We weren’t sure if you’d be okay with sharing the room with me. I already packed some of my stuff, to give space to yours but if you want to be somewhere else, we can m-”

 

“No,” Maddy didn’t need to hear more to get the message. She could choose to be in another room but she didn’t want to. Perhaps she should want to, because she knew once the lights went out, she’d cry. She would  _ finally _ cry. But there was something reassuring about the fact that she wasn’t sleeping alone, in a new room that didn’t felt like home. “I’m good here.”

 

For a brief moment, Maddy forgot the reason why she was wearing a beanie. And it dawned on her the second Cassie saw her forehead. She had tried to cover the wound with a bandaid but Maddy was well aware of size of the cut and how it probably needed stitches. The way Cassie was looking at her wasn’t helping and it was making Maddy feel worse about it so she moved to put the beanie on again.

 

“Don’t even think about that.” Cassie stopped her, walking the distance between them and lowering Maddy’s hands. “Can I touch it?” A nervous hum from Maddy probably wasn’t the answer the girl was looking for but it was all Maddy had to give.

 

Softly, Cassie started pushing aside the strings of Maddy’s hair that were covering her wound. “Tomorrow, we’re going to the hair salon, okay? Whoever did these blonde highlights committed a crime against the art of hairstyling.”

 

Maddy snorted. She did go to the cheapest place she could find because her parents wouldn’t give her money for it. No.  _ Her mother  _ wouldn’t give her money for it. “I’m dyeing it.”

 

“What colour?” Cassie asked, with earnest interest in her voice.

 

“Orange.” Maddy answered right away and got a raised eyebrow as a reply. “What?”

 

“Bold move.” The other girl smiled before biting her lip as she moved closer to inspect the wound. “Also very Irish of you.”

 

“What’s that suppos-” Maddy’s answer slipped her mind momentarily as Cassie ripped out the bandaid without warning. She wanted to scream but Cassie inhaled deeply and, once again, she followed her lead. Inhale, exhale.

 

“Don’t move.” Cassie instructed and rushed out of the room. 

 

Of course she realized how stereotypical it would be for her to dye her hair ginger-ish but… Orange was the colour that resulted from her tragedy. And it would be the colour she would carry with her. As a reminder. But meanwhile, Cassie was already back with a bag in one hand and a handful of toilet paper in the other.

 

“We need to get that cleaned up before it gets infected.” She explained, placing the bag on top of a chair and taking out a bottle. “Okay, uh, we could do something else but your wound isn’t looking too good so I think we should go for the big leagues so….” Cassie poured some liquid on a piece of toilet paper and, just by the smell of it, Maddy knew it was alcohol. And it would burn. “Are you ready?”

 

“Please.” Maddy closed her eyes and braced herself for the pain. But before it happened, before the alcohol pierced through her skin like fire, Maddy felt a soft breeze brush through her forehead. The calm before the storm. “ _ Shit. _ ” She whimpered when the alcohol began working through her cut, cleaning what hadn’t been cleaned before.

 

“I’m sorry.” Cassie whispered as she moved the paper over the wound. Tapping as light as she had tapped on Maddy’s hand. And Maddy couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to look at the person who was helping her. Setting her free from the most violent physical memory of what had happened to her hours prior. “My mother is a nurse and when she gets home, I’ll ask her to-”

 

_ Mother. _

 

Cassie had a mother. And Maddy didn’t. Not anymore. Not for the past day or however long it had been.

 

Cassie had a mother. And Maddy didn’t. Neither did she have a home to go back to. Neither did she have a work to visit her mother at.

 

Cassie had a mother.

 

And Maddy didn’t.

 

And it was all Maddy’s fault.

 

And for that, she didn’t deserve to be treated so kindly by someone she didn’t know. And for that, she didn’t deserve to be crying against the shoulder of someone she didn’t know. And for that, she didn’t deserve to be held so tightly by someone she didn’t know. And for that,  _ she figured,  _ she didn’t deserve any of it.

 

“I got you.” Cassie whispered into Maddy’s hair as she cried against her shoulder, gripping at her back as if she was anchoring her to this life. “You’re okay. I got you now and you’re okay.”

 

“I-I” Maddy hiccuped. She didn’t want to speak but the words wanted to leave her body. As if that would heal her. “I mi-miss my-my mo-mother.”

 

Maddy felt Cassie’s chest inflate and deflate against her. There was nothing the other girl could say that would make her feel better. That would stop her from crying, from hurting. She couldn’t possibly know what Maddy was going through because Maddy hadn’t told her. And she wanted to. She wanted to tell her everything. But the hiccups in her throat wouldn’t let her. And the pain inside her burned more than the alcohol in her wound.

 

“It will be okay.” Cassie said after a few minutes of silence. “I pinky promise.”

 

“Wha-what?”

 

With one arm wrapped around Maddy’s shoulders, Cassie brought her other hand to the side where Maddy could see it and raised her pinky. “It’s a special kind of promise. It means that if someone breaks it, the other person can break their pinky.”

 

“Bo-Bold move.” Maddy repeated what Cassie had said when she mentioned dyeing her hair orange but held her pinky nonetheless. “It-It wi-will be-be ok-okay.”

 

And it was okay. The day after she arrived, when Cassie took her to the hair salon to dye her hair the brightest shade of orange available and Maddy couldn’t be more grateful that she was there to talk with the hairdresser so she didn’t have to.

 

And it was okay. Every day for the remaining of the school year, when Cassie explained everything she had learned in class and shared her homework with Maddy, who couldn’t be more grateful that she didn’t miss out on her education even though she lost one entire year.

 

And it was okay. The day she turned 16, when Cassie helped her convince Horus to sign the paperwork for her to take martial arts classes and Maddy couldn’t be more grateful that she had Cassie as back up.

  
And it was okay. For so many days. For so many reasons. Until the day Maddy was finally able to ask for the explanation her father owed her. Three years after  _ it _ happened. And Maddy couldn’t be more grateful that Cassie was beside her the entire time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of this chapter is, obviously, Wake Me Up (When September Ends) by Green Day.
> 
> A/N: Friends, I would like to thank each and every single one of you for taking a little bit of your time and indulging this..... idea.... of mine. It means a lot to me that you're on this journey as well, even if I can't give you guarantees of a destination... Anyway. Maddy is home now. And Cassie, or Cassandra Knox for long, will be played by Miss Flair once these kids grow some more. Also special thanks to my friend @werewolfbecky for baptising Cassandra and giving me the visuals for it.


	3. (But It Is) What It Is

**_Portland (Oregon), USA / November 1, 2005_ **

 

It had been three years. Three years since Maddy fell into the abyss without any chance of return. And for three years, she tried to leave the bottom of that abyss. She tried to find ways to be a person again. To live again. To  _ breathe  _ again. But whenever she was getting closer to achieve that, it was that time of the year again and down the rabbit hole she went.

 

Some days she would find herself wishing she was able to move on like her brother. He had a job at a local Blockbuster and he had plans to move out of the house. Not home, because they didn’t have a home anymore. But house. The one their father managed to buy, just across the street from the Knox’s.

 

But on other days, like the anniversary day, she could see that maybe her brother wasn't moving on the way she thought. Maybe he was just better at living with it than she was. And maybe that was the case because he knew more than she did. Because, after all, he was the one inside the pub when everything started. He was the one her mother handed the gun.

 

And that lead Maddy to take the leap during their family dinner. To ask what she hadn't asked. To demand the explanation she deserved. To know the truth and to see if it would set her free.

 

“Mads.” Cassie whispered, stepping on Maddy's foot to get her to look up from the plate. “Stop playing with your peas.” In return, Maddy shrugged and sat back, playing with her knife instead. “Seriously? How old are you?”

 

“Father?” Maddy started, ignoring her best friend. Her throat was dry and she had to swallow one, two, three times for that feeling to go away.

 

“Yes, darlin’?” Horus answered from the right top of the table, two seats away. Enough space to make Maddy feel a little braver.

 

“Why was mum killed?”

 

Silence. She could have phrased it any other way. Sugar coated it, even. But no. The night before, she had a conversation with Cassie, the first time she told her how everything happened, and Cassie frowned. That was the first indication that something in  _ her  _ version of the story wasn't right. The second was when Cassie said she was sure it wasn't her fault. How could she be sure if she wasn't there? That got Maddy thinking and three years gave her the distance she needed to realize it.

 

“What?” Horus’ answer was faint and his face was pale. He put down his silverware and Maddy reached for Cassie under the table, as if touching her best friend's foot would anchor her canoe from the incoming storm.

 

“You heard me.” Maddy carried on, the same neutral tone of voice. Still, in what she hoped her father would understand as a lowering of guard, she placed her knife over the still full plate. “Why was mum killed?”

 

“Not here, darlin’” Horus tried but Maddy shook her head.

 

“No.” Maddy looked at everyone sitting around her and they were all perplexed that she would ask something like that in the middle of their meal. *We're all family. And families don't have secrets, right?”

 

“Leave it be, Maddy.” Oscar took it upon himself to answer, unknowingly falling in a trap set by his sister.

 

“Ah, the good brother speaks. It's funny, you know?” Sitting up straight, Maddy furrowed her brow and turned to the right side of the table, to face Oscar and Horus. “If you didn't know the reason, you'd be on my side. Instead, you just sit beside me because our father told you to.”

 

“Enough.” Horus commanded, a sudden anger in his voice but never in his eyes. “We're not having this conversation here.”

 

Maddy was about to answer, to make an ultimatum, to demand the information she was owed but Michael, Cassie's father, gently placed his hand on her shoulder. A touch so sudden yet so firm that the storm inside Maddy quieted for a moment. The Knox family always knew how to make her feel better, somehow.

 

“Horus,” Michael called, his voice soothing. “Your family is my family the same way that my family is yours. That being the case, you'll have to forgive me but if you don't give your daughter what you owe her, I will.”

 

Silence. Again. Maddy could feel the shock waves go up and down her body but nothing could compare to Cassie. She didn't know what her best friend was feeling but the expression of complete disbelief in her face was all she needed _to_ _know_.

 

“My friend, I respect you too much to do this in your house.” Horus countered yet Michael did nothing else but raise his hand.

 

“What is due, is due, Horus.”

 

For the first time in her life, Maddy saw her father give in. He would've fought against her until he couldn't but his bond with Michael was something she was yet to understand. Sometimes she thought they were afraid of each other, sometimes she figured it was just how much they respected each other.

 

“Alright.” Horus nodded and took a deep breathe. And so did Maddy. “Madeleine, my darlin’, your mother was murdered to send me a message. That I was no longer welcomed in Ireland.”

 

“Why?”

 

“There is no easy way to say this but… Our family has a long line of drug lords and weapon traffickers.” Horus paused and Maddy felt her heart skyrocket out of her chest. “And I'm the current heir.”

 

“Oh my god.” Was all Maddy could muster up. She felt lightheaded, breathless and numb. All the same time. All at once. Like she was stuck by lighting at the same time as she was run over by a bus.

 

“And the men that murdered our dear Nora were soldiers. Angry soldiers. Because I made a weapons deal with another gang, supplying them rather than the military.”

 

“N-no,” Maddy stammered and noticed from the corner of her eye that Horus was making his way towards her.

 

“I should've told you sooner, darlin’, but I didn't know how. You're my precious daughter and I didn't want to lose you.”

 

“DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME.” Maddy snapped, kicking her chair and stepping away from her father's arms. She could barely look at him through the tears and the anger. “You let me think it was my fault. For three years!” She yelled through her sobs. “How does that make me your precious daughter? How?”

 

Maddy saw the way Horus was trying to reach out to her, how his face was contorted in pain, the same way she knew hers was. But she couldn't touch him. She couldn't believe him. She couldn't accept that the man in front of her, the man she called father, was a criminal. And, by blood, she was one too.

 

“Please forgive me, darlin’. Please.”

 

She couldn't 

 

She wouldn't.

 

So she ran. As fast as she possibly could and as far as she possibly could. She didn't have a plan, she hadn't made one in years, she just ran. And even though it was hard to focus on the road ahead with tear filled eyes, Maddy was determined not to stop. If she ended up crossing state lines, even better. So long as she was as furthest away from that house as possible.

 

Except.

 

It didn't matter how she would speed up when the road was clear, it didn't matter how many corners she cut or detours she made. It didn't matter because she could still hear Cassie. Running after her. Begging her to stop. Begging her to at least slow down. But going after her nonetheless.

 

“I WILL FOLLOW YOU TO HELL IF I HAVE TO, HAYES.”

 

Cassie used her last name when she was either annoyed or angry. And Maddy knew how much she hated running for long periods of time. That adding up to the reason why Maddy was running obviously meant that an angry Cassie was running after her. Still, Maddy wouldn't stop. She couldn't stop. Not while she had so present her father's words. Not when stopping meant she'd have to breathe in the reality of her situation.

 

And the reality was that she had been lied to her entire life. Lead to believe they were a simple family that inherited a pub and ran it like the family business that it was. But apparently they weren’t a simple family, with a simple pub, run as a simple family business. No. Nothing had ever been that simple and she was blissfully unaware of all of it. She was unaware that behind the pub there were all kinds of criminal activities. She was unaware that the family business, the one she inherited by blood, was lawless.

 

Then there was the name.  _ Hayes. _ The family name that she would proudly write in her books, her clothes, her everything, was stained. With everyone that suffered under it and with the sacrifice of her own mother, at the hands of people who would kill for it. People who could’ve killed her and she wouldn’t know why. People who could’ve hurt her and she wouldn’t know why. Because the blood running through her veins was always red to her yet always black to everyone else. If only she had known sooner.

 

Maybe she would have.

 

She could have.

 

She should have.

 

“Stopped.” She heard Cassie’s breathlessness beside her. “You stopped.” Cassie raised her hand, trying to grab Maddy’s but sat down on the curb instead. “You stopped.” She repeated, throwing her head back as she tried to control her breathing.

 

“Yo-you shouldn’t ha-have co-come after me-me.” Maddy’s breathing wasn’t regular either and, since she had been crying while running, her hiccups felt like needles in her lungs.

 

“Are you kidding me? You’re my best friend, Mads.” Cassie tapped the empty curb beside her and Maddy sat down, holding her knees against her chest. “I mean it when I say I’d follow you to Hell if I had to.”

 

“An-And would yo-you have to-to?”

“What?” Cassie asked and Maddy was scared to make the next question. She was scared of what the answer would be and where it would take their friendship.

 

“Did yo-you know?”

 

“No,” Cassie said, biting her lower lip and Maddy could tell there was more to the story. She just hoped it wasn’t what she thought. “But after you told me everything yesterday, I started wondering and, well, it was the only way our fathers knew each other, you know?”

 

Maddy raised her eyebrow and turned to the side, to fully face Cassie. She was thankful that they had stopped under a street lamp because this way she could see Cassie. And know if she was lying or not. “Explain?”

 

Taking a deep breath, Cassie reached for Maddy’s hands and held them. “My father is... one too but he never hid it from me.”

 

“Wh-why didn’t yo-you tell me?”

 

“It wasn’t my secret to tell.” The smile on Cassie’s face was the saddest Maddy had ever seen, as if Cassie had wanted to tell her everything but something was holding her back. “Besides, if I told you, you would’ve run.”

 

“Pro-probably.”

 

“And I didn’t want you to run. I get why you would, I would’ve ran too if he had waited 17 years to tell me,” Cassie exhaled and held her sleeve, bringing it to Maddy’s face to wipe under her eyes. “But I grew up knowing what my father does for a living isn’t just beer so…”

 

“I wi-wish I had kno-known.” Maddy sighed and rested her head on her best friend’s shoulder. “I wi-wish my mo-mother wasn’t de-dead because of it.”

 

“And I wish I could make it hurt less, Mads.” Cassie embraced Maddy and she hiccuped again. She couldn’t be more thankful to have Cassie by her side, though. Regardless of how they were brought together, Maddy felt they were meant to meet . One way or another. “I really do but all I can say is that it is, what it is. And now it’s up to you. Either accept it or don’t.”

 

“I don’t. I can’t.”

 

“That’s okay.”

 

“I can’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapter is from the song What It Is by Jonathan Davis.
> 
> A/N: My friends, I'd like to express my deepest apologies if this chapter doesn't flow well or doesn't sound right but... It was hard to write it for a variety of reasons, mostly bad brain related, and the final product is, as the song says, what it is. I wish it could be better and Maddy, along with everyone of you reading, deserved better but this is what I can give right now. I'm sorry. Maybe the next one will be better. I'll keep trying, I promise.


	4. Scars

**_Portland (Oregon), USA / December 24, 2006_ **

 

Maddy couldn't bring herself to forgive her father that night and the Knox family, once again, provided the shelter she needed. And they sheltered her the following night, and the nights after that. It was over a week after the revelation that Michael asked Maddy to sit with him and have a conversation. He explained how family was a liability for someone like her father and how, in a way, what had happened wasn't his fault.

 

_ “I can assure you that Horus took every precaution to keep you safe. But every great wall has a fissure. No matter how small. It exists. And certain people know how to exploit it.” _

 

Still, even after having all cards laid out on the table for her to read, Maddy couldn't do it. Her own father had lied to her for years and allowed her to grief with a guilt that wasn't hers to bare. He made that choice and she was making the choice not to forgive him. And choices, as Michael concluded, are the only thing that make us human.

 

Of course that also meant the Knox's had a choice to kick her out of their house but they never did. In fact, Beth, Cassie's mother, offered to go over to the Hayes’ house and bring a box of her clothes. At first Maddy declined, saying she didn't need anything from the house because she had a drawer full of clothes in Cassie's closet but she soon realized those weren't enough.

 

As time went on, Maddy felt herself becoming  _ warm _ er. She would smile more, she would happily help with the house chores, she even fixed Michael's car problems. But all that warmth, all that happiness, would wash away whenever the university subject entered their conversations. Because Cassie leaving meant Maddy would not only lose her best friend but also the place where she felt at  _ home _ .

 

_ Again. _

 

It was inevitable, Maddy knew it was, with Cassie being the best student at her school, that she would get accepted into every university she applied to. However, Maddy wasn't prepared for her to choose the one that was furthest away from Portland. In fact, she even asked Cassie if she was running from home and, with that soothing smile Maddy knew meant she was making a silly question, Cassie shrugged it off saying “if I was running from home, I wouldn't be planning on coming here every other weekend, doofus.”

 

But, as Maddy had learned through the years, plans sometimes don't work and neither did Cassie's. Her schedule was too strict to be able to visit and with Maddy getting a job, it was twice as hard to make it work. Still, Maddy would never forget the laugh that echoed through her cellphone when she told Cassie about her job as a mechanical apprentice on a car shop a friend of their fathers’ owned.

 

_ “With that mind of yours, you want to settle as a mechanic, uh? Who knew!” _

 

It wasn't her dream job, that's for sure. And yes, maybe she was wasting her intellect. But she had been doing that since she arrived in America and refused to go back to school. She had been wasting her “potential”, as everyone said, since she left Ireland. But, the way Maddy saw it, being a mechanic wasn't all that bad. Especially considering that she had been fixing cars and motorcycles from a very young age. It wasn't her dream job, but she liked it enough.

 

And so time went on. Days turned into weeks. Weeks grew into months. Every other night she would call Cassie to hear about her day and every other night Cassie would ask about Horus. The answer was the same for weeks until November came around carrying the anniversary of her mother's death. That day, Maddy was the one to extend the hand and pull her father for a hug. She blamed it on the fact that Cassie wasn’t there and her absence left her emotional front defenseless.

 

Perhaps she should've done more than hug him. Perhaps she should've asked him to talk, ask him to explain, but that wasn't the right day. Nor the right time. Still, that hug gave Maddy more than she asked for. It gave a reassuring sensation that deep down she still loved her father. Regardless of his crimes, regardless of all the reasons, legitimate ones, that she had to hate him and despise him, she still loved him. Because after all, he did protect them. He protected them as much as he possibly could. And Maddy was somewhat… Thankful for that.

 

Still, her newfound stability in that embrace wasn't enough to forgive. Or forget. And Maddy focused the rest of the month in her work. With the rain pouring, the amount of cars to fix increased and so did Maddy's paycheck. She put her every waking moment into that car shop, into fixing what someone else had broken that at some point she realized: she was avoiding fixing herself. She was doing everything in her power not to see. Not to hear. Not to fix. She was doing it all to herself. And in that instant, under a car and with oil dripping on her hands, Maddy made a New Year's resolution a month before it's time:

 

_ “2007 is the year of Maddy.” _

 

After that, December brushed past Maddy like a gentle breeze. She was lighter. Content, even. And it only got better when Beth started cleaning the house for Cassie's arrival. They hadn't been together in a while and there were some  _ things  _ you can't talk about through the phone. Which is exactly what they did. For hours on hours. As they walked through the city to see the lights and buy last minute gifts. As they ate breakfast even though they hadn't slept at all. As they sat on the porch with a warm cup of cocoa in their hands, watching the snow fall.

 

In that gentle breeze, Christmas came. And with it the big revelation she helped the Knox's prepare for Cassie. Michael’s old Mustang GT, polished, repainted, looking fresh and as good as new. And in a way, it was. Maddy made a few changes to it too, making it faster and safer and more  _ Cassie's _ : she installed the best sound system a car could ever hold. Of course it cost her one entire paycheck and a couple favours but she did it. Her best friend deserved it. Her  _ sister _ deserved it.

 

Seeing Cassie cry always made Maddy's chest ache but the way she cried in her parents arms that night was different. It was pure happiness in its truest form. So genuine that every tear felt like holy water. And Maddy couldn’t possibly feel more blessed to be there, to witness that, to be part of that. When it was her turn to hold Cassie, she did it with her eyes closed and her heart beating faster than it ever did. And on the other side of the embrace she could feel Cassie’s heart beating the exact same way.

 

_ “Now I feel bad that I didn’t get you anything…. Good.” _

 

Except she did. Except Cassie got her a pair of black boxing gloves, brand new, with her name, in orange, engraved in the strap. Except that was everything she wanted because the ones she was wearing for her kickboxing classes were ruined and Cassie knew she had a hard time letting things go. Unless something new was presented to her. The way Cassie did. And it was perfect yet Cassie had something else in mind. Something Maddy wasn’t expecting to receive. Something…  different.

 

“Okay so, I,” Cassie started, picking up something from the space between her mattress and the cleat. “And don’t look at me like that,” She added once Maddy frowned. They had promised it was only one gift and here was Cassie, with a black box in her hands, looking at Maddy with a pride that wasn’t there when she gave her the gloves. “I got you something…  _ special _ .”

 

“We had a deal, Cass.” Maddy tried to counter but Cassie shook her head, warning her not to go there and simply accept the gift. Which she did. She held the box in her hands for a few moments, inspecting the outside and the fact that it wouldn’t give anything away. “No clues?”

 

“None whatsoever.” Cassie crossed her arms over her chest, biting her lip as well. It had to be something truly  _ special _ for Cassie to be looking at her the way she was. “I just really hope you’ll like it.”

 

“Hum…” Maddy hummed and took a deep breathe before taking the lid off of the box. Inside there was a cloth, red and velvety, and she felt her heart speeding for a moment. What could Cassie have gotten her that was so important it had to be given after everyone had left and was hidden underneath a velvety red cloth? Without wasting any more time, Maddy carefully grabbed the cloth and started pushing it back.

 

“So….” She heard Cassie ask but she didn’t know to respond. Her eyes were sparkling with the way the light was reflecting on the three blades inside the box. One was smaller, with two sharp edges; one looked like Rambo’s knife and one that instantly caught Maddy’s attention. She set the box aside and picked up the third knife, the only one that had a shealth. Slowly, she took it off and, for some reason, she was mesmerized by it. Drawn to it. To the way the blade seemed to have been cut to perfection. To how the handle fit perfectly in her hands. As if she was meant to hold it, meant to draw circles with the tip of it on the palm of her hand. And when she brought it up closer to her eyes, to admire the craftsmanship of whoever had made it, Maddy saw the way Cassie was looking at her.

 

“I love it.” Maddy spoke, at last, and lowered the knife to properly see Cassie’s smile. “It’s… Incredible.”

 

“Told you it was special.” Cassie sounded more cheerful than before and Maddy figured she truly was nervous about her reaction. She sat beside her in Maddy’s bed and gently grabbed Maddy’s wrist, holding it, and the knife, between them. “I figured with you being so good with knives and me being so bad with them, that you should have one,” Cassie chuckled and Maddy’s eyebrow lifted when she saw her best friend rising her left pinky finger between them. Oddly close to the knife. “To cut the tension. When necessary.”

 

And in a motion so swift Maddy couldn’t have stopped it even if she tried, Cassie cut the tip of her pinky on the brand new knife. The once untouched shining steel had a drop of blood covering the length of the blade. And dropping, slowly, towards the handle. Which, for some reason, had Maddy’s entire attention. As if the knife had intoxicated her and the contact with Cassie’s blood had finished the spell on her.

 

“Dude!” Maddy finally snapped out of her trance and cleaned the blade on her black jeans, quickly placing it on the box and reaching for Cassie’s hand. “What the hell?”

 

“Come on, Mads,” Cassie chuckled but allowed her best friend to grab her hand anyway. “It’s just a little blood.”

 

“You’re an idiot,” Maddy shook her head and, out of instinct, pressed her lips against the cut on Cassie’s pinky. It wasn’t big and the blood wasn’t much, but she still absorbed enough to leave a metallic taste in her mouth. “And this proves it.” She added, raising Cassie’s hand between them so the other girl could see it.

 

“You know I’m bad with knives.”

 

“But this wasn’t an accident, Cass.”

 

“Fine. I just wanted to show you how good the knife was.” Cassie explained and Maddy still wasn’t satisfied with it. There was something about the way Cassie had done it that intrigued Maddy but she couldn’t simply ask her about it. “This is the first time I’m actually seeing them.”

 

“You hadn’t before?” Maddy asked, pressing a tissue she had in her hoodie pocket against Cassie’s cut, to try and stop the blood.

 

“No. I mean, I saw a couple similar to yours so I could choose from but I didn’t actually see these.”

 

“So you got them made?  _ For me _ ?” Maddy looked up at Cassie and the other girl was smiling at her like she was the sun. Like Maddy deserved every star in the sky, every water molecule in the ocean, every grain of sand in the earth. She was smiling at her like Maddy should already know the answer. Like she would give anything and everything to make her happy and Maddy should already know that.

 

“Yes, doofus.” Cassie placed her free hand on top of Maddy’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Because now whenever I can’t make it here, I know you’ll have something to distract you. Something to cut the tension with.”

 

“You’re really hammering in on that joke, aren’t you?” Maddy chuckled and Cassie’s smile grew smug. “Well thank you. I will always carry one of these with me whenever you’re not around.” She opened her arms and Cassie didn’t need an invitation to go in for the hug. She rested her head on Maddy’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around Maddy’s torso. Maddy, on the other hand, held her shoulders gently but with the same strength Atlas holds the world and planted a kiss on Cassie’s left temple. “Thank you,  _ sister _ .”

 

Cassie sighed against her neck and Maddy closed her eyes. “Anything for you.”

 

Maddy doesn’t know how long they stayed that way, embracing at the edge of the bed, but it was long enough for both to fall asleep in each others arms. The clock marked 3.45 AM when she woke with Cassie fast asleep on top of her. She did her best to move out of Cassie’s hold and, as she was picking up the knife box from the mattress, Maddy cut her own pinky in the same knife Cassie did.

 

“Ouch.” Maddy whimpered, feeling how sharp the blade was. She quickly closed the box and saved it underneath her bed before looking at her finger and the way it was bleeding. Somehow, the cut was identical to Cassie’s. Same angle, even. Maddy felt it was rather unusual and unlikely that such a thing would happen but she still grabbed a tissue, held it against her finger and stopped the bleeding. Only after it was settled did she turn to Cassie again, still peacefully sleeping and smiled.

 

“Merry Christmas, Cass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter is the song Scars by IAMX.
> 
> A/N: I hope this chapter makes sense because I wrote half of it with a fever so let me know on the comments if my fever brain is as functioning as Becky's concussed brain. Anyway. Yes, the knife is the same as Maddy's knife in the movie and no, the fact that they both cut themselves on it, at night, isn't a coincidence. In fact,
> 
> "The Red Thread of Fate (simplified Chinese: 姻缘红线; traditional Chinese: 姻緣紅線; pinyin: Yīnyuán hóngxiàn), also referred to as the Red Thread of Marriage, and other variants, is an East Asian belief originating from Chinese legend. According to this myth, the gods tie an invisible red cord around the ankles of those that are destined to meet one another in a certain situation or help each other in a certain way. Often, in Japanese and Korean culture, it is thought to be tied around the little finger. According to Chinese legend, the deity in charge of "the red thread" is believed to be Yuè Xià Lǎorén (月下老人), often abbreviated to Yuè Lǎo (月老), the old lunar matchmaker god, who is in charge of marriages.
> 
> The two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break. This myth is similar to the Western concept of soulmate or a destined flame."


	5. The Great Shipwreck Of Life

**_Portland (Oregon), USA / November 1, 2012_ **

 

Ten years.

 

That’s how long it had been. Ten years since Maddy’s life took a turn. For the worst? For the better? She still couldn’t tell. In fact, she couldn’t even remember who she was before it happened. She couldn’t remember what flavour of ice cream she liked, what her favourite band was, what she wanted to be or what she dreamed about. It was as if the death of her mother reseted her entire existence. Everything before that moment ceased to exist. Alongside her mother.

 

But, after Maddy promised herself she would rise from whatever hole she was in, everything started changing. She gave her father another chance to explain and the conversation ran as smoothly as it possibly could. Maddy made a point of telling him that while she was willing to forgive, she would never forget and should he ever hide something from her again, she would walk out of his life, _ for good.  _ Still, as proof of the opportunity she was extending him, Maddy moved back into his house early on in 2008.

 

As far as her job went, Maddy climbed the ladder slowly but surely. She wouldn’t say no to extra shifts or extra jobs, any money was good money. And every paycheck she earned, she would save it. If she spent 50 dollars, she’d make sure to save 100. If she spent 100, she’d save 200. Nothing she wanted to buy could ever be of a superior value than the amount she would set aside. And it wasn’t like she didn’t want to buy things, she did but through the hours she spent with oil covering her hands, moving tires around and cleaning the hood of cars, a dream formed within her. A dream that was expensive and required the sacrifice she was clearly ready to make.

 

However, as it seemed to be the predicament of her life, when the moment to make that dream a reality arrived, Maddy’s sacrifice wasn’t enough to pay what she needed. And for a second, just one, she considered asking her father for help. She considered asking him for the money but, at the same time, she didn’t want to owe him. She didn’t want to be in debt with him. Because after being told about his work methods, Maddy knew that he would come to collect that debt. And the price she would have to pay would be higher than the one she asked for.

 

_ “Partners, uh? That has a nice ring to it.” _

 

Of course the minute she called Cassie for advice on what to do, her best friend offered to sign her a check, transfer the money, do whatever Maddy needed her to. She should’ve known better. Of course Cassie would offer to help. Of course she would sign whatever Maddy wanted. There was nothing Cassie wouldn’t do for her and Maddy knew that. It just didn’t occur to her to ask because why would Cassie want to be her business partner? Why would she want to attach herself to her when Cassie had plans of her own? Plans that didn’t include Maddy because, after all, they had different dreams. And that was okay. But Maddy should’ve known better. No matter what, Cassie was there for her, with whatever she needed.

 

And there she was, on payment day, smiling brightly as she handed the check with the 20% Maddy was short of. And there she was again, right beside Maddy as she signed the property ownership papers. And there she was, always with her unwavering smile, ready to throw the champagne bottle at the garage door because  _ we're gonna christen this like a boat, for good luck. _

 

And luck was a subject Maddy often wondered about. If somewhere in her life she had offended the Gods. If she had done something or said something that took her luck away. She wondered why all the plans she meticulously made ended up crashing and burning, like a ship full of rum heading for the rocks during a storm. In fact, she wondered about her luck so much that when the champagne bottle shattered against the door, she laughed. Because surely her car shop was way out of Neptune's jurisdiction and he wouldn't bless her with good fortune.

 

Except it did.

 

NORA'S, in honour of her mother, became the most well known car shop in the vicinity. If you wanted to get your car fixed, repainted or remade, that was the place to go to. And if Maddy herself wasn't around to take on the job, you could always ask for her right hand man. A retired fisherman turned experienced mechanic that never revealed his name but everyone knew exactly what to call him:  _ Neptune _ .

 

“ _ I told you. A good bottle of champagne always brings luck. You just never believe me.” _

 

Maddy rolled her eyes at that. She had to admit that most times, whenever she didn't believe Cassie, her words always ended up coming true. Even when what her best friend would say seemed too ludicrous to believe, it happened. Still, whenever another one of her promises came true, Maddy would be remembered of something she read on a book Cassie sent to her.

 

Not convinced with Maddy setting her education aside, Cassie would send her a book every other week. While Maddy never asked Cassie about it, the books would always have highlighted parts or folded corners. And whenever they did, Maddy would write the content down in a notebook. Even if she didn't understand why it was highlighted, she'd still save it. For future reference. And one of those passages was about the meaning of Cassie's name. According to Greek mythology, it was said to be the name of Troy's King Priam and Queen Hecuba’s daughter, who lived with the curse that neither of her prophecies would ever be believed. And it was strangely suitable.

 

Looking back, Maddy wished she had believed Cassie the night she told her how both of them had been groomed to take over their father's businesses. How the fact that Maddy knew how to drive by 14 or that Cassie knew how to cook crystal meth by the same age wasn't because they were destined to become a mechanic and a chemical engineer. Rather because their father's had put them there. On the path to take over. To become the driver and the chef. To become the leader and the mastermind. To become just like them. And the ones before them.

 

Perhaps if she had believed Cassie, the day where the choice was given to her, Maddy would've made it differently. But she didn't. And when the day arrived, Maddy was unprepared. Her footing wasn't right. Her breathe got caught up in her throat. Her heart skipped a beat. And the words that came out of her mouth weren't processed properly. They weren't pondered and thought about. They were reckless and they came from somewhere inside her. Some vault that Maddy had never known was allocated in her ribcage. And all it took to unlock it was a question. A simple yes or no question that came from the most unexpected place: Cassandra Knox’s mouth.

 

“You know,” Cassie's voice echoed through the garage and almost distracted Maddy. “You're too pretty to join the circus.”

 

Maddy heard her footsteps getting closer but didn't took her eyes away from the red dot across the garage. With a twirl, she threw her knife sideways and watched it fly across the space until it pierced through the red dot.

 

“But you're talented, I'll give you that.” Cassie added before pressing her lips against Maddy's right temple. “They'll be lucky to have you.”

 

“Perhaps you should come with.” Maddy returned, a smile on her lips that didn't match the anger in her eyes. “Bring your jokes and all “

 

“Funny.” Cassie poked her ribs and Maddy pushed her hand down with her elbow. “What's the emergency?”

 

“Remember the cars my brother started bringing in since September?” Cassie nodded and Maddy started walking them towards the parking space at the back of the shop. “They all come in like they've been hit by a truck. And I'm sure the police wouldn't apprehend cars that were hit by trucks and then call us to fix ‘em if the owners activate the insurance.”

 

Cassie scratched the back of her neck and grabbed her backpack strap. “I don't see why not. They're facilitating the lives of the common citizens by sending them to the best car shop in town. Seems like something the police would do.”

 

Maddy stopped by a green Land Rover and pointed to the smashed doors. “Trucks, Cass.”

 

“Baby, accidents happen. I don't see what the emergency is abo-”

 

“This.” Maddy added even though the sight was enough to shut up Cassie. The damaged door cut through the passenger's seat and a white power was coming out of the seat cushion. “Tell me  _ that _ isn't what I think it is.”

 

Biting her lip, Cassie looked between her best friend and the car before kneeling down beside it. She pulled a test kit from her bag, something Maddy knew she carried at all times because Michael had ordered her to, and wiped a little bit of powder into a tube. Shaking it, she rose and Maddy realized Cassie's chest was raising rapidly, matching her own. There was no reason to be nervous, Maddy would tell herself even though she knew there was. And clearly Cassie felt the same way.

 

A minute passed, with Cassie looking between her wrist watch and the tube in her hand. With a lump in her throat, Maddy closed her eyes. She didn't want it to be true. She didn't. And she wished for it to not be true with everything she had. She wished until her knuckles turned white.

 

“Mads.” Cassie voice was soft as a feather yet Maddy didn't open her eyes right away. It was true. It really was true.

 

“They're using me, aren't they?” She whispered.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

Maddy took a deep breathe and, at last, saw the content of the tube presenting itself in a vibrant shade of blue. Grabbing it from Cassie's hand, Maddy didn't take two seconds before throwing it against the wall behind her best friend. Anger was taking over her body and spreading in every possible direction like wildfire.

 

She wanted to scream. And she did.

 

She wanted to kick something. And she did. 

 

She wanted to run.

 

But she didn't.

 

“I fucking hate him!” Maddy snapped and just as she was about to kick the car door for the second time, Cassie wrapped her arms around her waist and lifted her. “Put me down!”

 

Although she didn't know the place like the back of her hands, Cassie still managed to walk backwards with Maddy in her arms. It wasn't that big of a distance but at least Maddy was far away from the car. However, the second Cassie put her down, Maddie took a knife out of her boot and pointed it at Cassie. Her hand was shaking and her vision was blurred from the tears.

 

“Seriously?” Cassie asked, her expression unreadable, much to Maddy's discontentment. She wanted, for some reason, to find something in Cassie that made her throw the knife. She was searching for a reason to do it. To throw it all away. Because Cassie had always been too good to be true. “If you’re going to do it,” Cassie’s voice was calm and it was only fueling Maddy’s fire. “At least have the decency to point it to my heart.”

“What?” Maddy breathed out and watched Cassie walk towards her, slowly, the same way a veterinarian tries to approach a wounded lion.

 

“If you’re going to kill me,” Cassie carried on, her voice resembling the serenity of a waveless ocean, taking calculated steps with her hands behind her neck. “And it would be my greatest honor to die at your hands,” She added and before Maddy could ask her to stop or step back, Cassie’s chest was pressed against the tip of her shaking knife. “Point it to my heart.”

 

“Why?” Maddy’s voice trembled. And no, she wasn’t asking it directly to Cassie. No, she didn’t want an answer. She didn’t want Cassie to excuse her father. To try and find a justification. A reason. Something to give to Maddy that would make her feel a little less angry, a little less heartbroken. She didn’t want it. The same way she didn’t want Cassie to hold her wrist the way she did. To push her arm down the way she did. To hold her against her the way she did.

 

“Why?” Maddy asked once again, lower and shakier. The air in her lungs was weighing down on her and she was sinking into Cassie’s arms. She dropped the knife and gripped onto her best friend’s back to anchor herself. There was the familiar storm again. The agitated sea that always made her crash and burn. There it all was again. On the 10th anniversary of her mother’s death. Inside the garage Maddy named after her. And in the arms that kept her from falling apart 10 years ago. It was as if nothing had changed. And the blame? That was in the hands of the same person.

 

Horus Hayes.

 

Once again, destroying Maddy’s world from within. Making it implode like a card castle when you take out the middle one. And, once again, which was the middle card of her castle? Her mother. Another car, another crime, another version of Nora. But in the end, when every detail was added to the equation, it all summed up to the same thing. Maddy’s heart breaking. Maddy’s world changing.

 

“Mads,” Cassie’s voice broke Maddy’s spiraling, as it always did. “I’m going to take this phone call, okay?” Rather than pulling away from their embrace, Maddy simply rested her head on Cassie’s shoulder.

 

“Hello.” Cassie used her free hand to move gently up and down Maddy’s spine. In the most soothing motion. “No, I’m not there. I had a family emergency and I’m not going back in.” Cassie’s hand suddenly stopped and Maddy felt her body become rigid. “Who did it?” Whatever was said to her forced Cassie out of Maddy’s arms and she hiccuped watching her best friend move away. “I asked you a question!” Cassie slammed her hand against the wall and Maddy furrowed her brow. “Thank you. Go home and tell everyone else to go home. And stay the- No, I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. Stay in your fucking house.”

 

Something wasn’t right. In fact. Something was far from right. Something was so wrong it could never be right again. And it was happening right in front of Maddy’s eyes. Cassie’s hand against the wall balled up into a fist and Maddy wanted to reach forward, to touch Cassie’s shoulder, to show that she was there. That whatever it was, they would fix it together. Because two wrongs can make a right. At least that’s what she was told. And from where she stood, they were both standing in the wrong side of street.

 

“Madeleine.” The use of her full first name made Maddy shiver. “I’m going to commit a crime today and as your best friend, as your family, I don’t want you anywhere near it. I want us to remain happy and I want you to remain free and I want us to just be partners and leave the crime aside.” Maddy’s heart was beating in her throat when Cassie finally turned around to face her and there was something in her eyes. Something Maddy had only seen once before. When Cassie cut herself in Maddy’s knife. 

 

“But.... But the choice is yours. Either you come with me and you help me commit arson or you get on your bike and leave. Leave as far away as you possibly can. Be free. You choose. Yes, stay. Or no, and go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter is the song The Great Shipwreck of Life by IAMX.
> 
> A/N: My dearest friends, I'd like kneel down and give this chapter to each and every one of you who told me to keep going. Who told me to keep writing. Who told me that if it doesn't work today, set it aside, go for a walk and then come back. Thank you. From everything I have and twice as much with everything I don't, thank you. I truthfully couldn't have done this without your support. And I hope that this, what came out of me today, I hope its okay. Not good, fingers crossed not bad, but okay would be enough for me. Please enjoy this ride. And brace yourselves, THE Maddy Hayes is coming.


	6. Experience

_Yes._

 

_Stay._

 

_Or no._

 

_And go._

 

That was Maddy's choice. That was the moment she dreaded and hoped would never arrive. That was it. And, looking back, Maddy was positive she made the right choice. The only choice that felt true to her. She had been running for so long. She had been hiding for so long. It was time to take action. To do something about it. To evolve from the ashes of her world. If _that_ was her destiny, she wouldn't stand in the way of it any longer.

 

Being a woman of few words, Maddy left the parking space and, to Cassie's surprise, returned with two gallons of gasoline. _If we're going to do this, we're doing this my way._ The way Cassie looked at her after she said that was out of the ordinary. Perhaps it was wrong of her to think _that_ about Cassie, perhaps she was giving meaning to something that wasn't there at all. But from where she stood, Cassie's eyes wanted her in a way she had never been wanted before. And, although she would never admit, for too many reasons to enumerate, she liked that. It burned inside her chest and all the way up to her mouth. And she liked it.

 

Abruptly yet never hurtful, Cassie grabbed her arm and dragged her to the garage where they kept the ready to go cars. She opened the trunk of a red Ferrari and Maddy knew exactly who it belonged to. A rich man whose name she didn't bother memorising that crashed his ridiculously new Ferrari the same day he moved to their city. Ridiculously new because apparently he bought it a week before and when he told her the story, Maddy felt her skin crawl back. The lengths rich people would go to watch their money burn would never cease to annoy Maddy.

 

Without exchanging a single word, Maddy saved the gasoline while Cassie ran to her office to get the key. They always kept the cars unlocked but the keys were never inside. Neptune was wary of that policy at first, saying it would make the cars easier to steal but soon enough he admitted that it was the best way to work. Clearly in a rush, Cassie was inside the car with her in a matter of seconds and the engine roared.

 

Any other day, Maddy would've raveled in the fact that she was inside a Ferrari. She would've closed her eyes and basked in the sound of the engine. She would've let herself be embraced by the comforting speed the car provided. But that was any other day. And not that day. Not the day where she felt like she was running out of time. Or towards the beginning of it.

 

As if Cassie wasn't driving fast enough to take her breath away, the sight of her doing so with such intensity would've done it. Maddy was mesmerized. She wondered if what she was feeling was what Homer meant when he wrote about the mermaid calling in the Odyssey. If the way Cassie was driving and making the engine speak under her hands was actually her siren, calling Maddy into the abyss. Asking her ship to approach the rocks, to crash, to burn. And, just like the poor man who drove their ships to death to follow the sound, Maddy felt herself compelled to do the same.

 

Truth of the matter was that Maddy was so intoxicated by the sounds, the speed, the sight that she forget to ask why. To ask where. And again, she wondered if trusting Cassie so blindly, so recklessly, made her a fool or a reflex of what years of hidden anger towards someone can make. Either way, she was willing to commit the crime. She wasn't forced to it. Cassie gave her a choice. And perhaps that was the reason she said yes. The fact that she had a choice. To go left or right. To step in or out. To stay or go.

 

When the car came to a stop in a suburban intersection, Maddy felt air travelling through her lungs for the first time since they left Nora's. Cassie took her black windproof lighter from her jacket pocket and started opening and closing it. Again and again. Her eyes were focused on the house in front of them and Maddy licked her lips. Contrary to every moment in her life where she was nervous, her palms weren't sweaty. Her breathing wasn't erratic. And she wasn't feeling like passing out. She was calm. Collected, even.

 

“This isn't my first time.” Cassie's confession surprised Maddy and, for a second, she wasn't sure what she was talking about. “The fire.”

 

“I know,” Maddy nodded, remembering the dorm room incident from Cassie's second year of college.

 

“No, that was actually an accident.” Cassie cleared her throat and took off her seatbelt. “And it wasn't my fault.” She sighed. The incident had been attributed to her and she had to move into another room. “Remember Max? Your gym girlfriend who turned out to be a grand theft addict?”

 

“No…”

 

“She deserved it.”

 

Maddy couldn't disagree with her. The woman stole her motorcycle after a date and Maddy never saw her again. Neither the woman nor the motorcycle. But word on the street was that the woman changed towns after a freaky accident. “What did you do?”

 

“She stole from you after cocktails and I threw her a cocktail she'd never forget.” Cassie's lips perked up in a proud grin.

 

Maddy could blame her lack of anger on the situation she was in but, deep down, she was amused by it. Deeply. “And you didn't tell me before because…”

 

“I was afraid of your reaction.”

 

“To you being a pyromaniac or destroying my bike?”

 

“Both.”

 

“Well,” Maddy shrugged and took off her seatbelt to allow her to turn towards Cassie. “About the bike, I got a better one after that and about the fire, if I remember correctly, I gave you that lighter after the dorm accident…”

 

“And you brought the gasoline today.” Cassie added, turning ever so slightly but enough to wiggle her right eyebrow at Maddy. As a punctuation mark. “Plus I'm not a pyromaniac, according to the therapist they made me see on campus.”

 

“I'm still here. Whatever the definition is, I'm still here.” Maddy tapped on Cassie's thigh and her best friend looked at her fondly. But it didn't last long. “And why are we _here_?”

 

“My dad's in the hospital.”

 

“Wha-”

 

“And it’s all because of that man, right there.” Cassie pointed to the man walking through the gate that lead to the house in front of them.

 

“We- we should be in the hospital, Cass!” Maddy was as much at a loss for words as she was angry. She didn't even need to know what the man had done to be angry at him. Michael had been her guardian angel all throughout the years and should anything happen to him…

 

“Mom is there. And we'll go after I settle this.” With a deep breathe, Cassie opened her lighter once more and this time the fire ignited. “He shot my father's leg and I'm going to cut his off.” Maddy was about to answer, a sudden panic rushing through her, but Cassie raised her hand and smiled. “Not literally. I'm burning down his way of transportation. Potato, potahto.”

 

“I hate it when you bring the potatoes.” Maddy rolled her eyes and exited the vehicle. As soon as she did so, she saw a rock across the street and figured they could put it on the accelerator and let the Ferrari do the job on his own.

 

“What the hell are you doing, Hayes?” She whispered to herself as she grabbed the stone. Never had she felt an inner turmoil as she was feeling. On the one hand, she wanted to run. She really did. The opposite direction, any direction. All that mattered was to get away. But on the other, the one that was holding the heavy rock, she _wanted_ it. The fire. The crime. The danger.

 

Since Cassie drove the car until the driveway of the house, Maddy walked the distance. And the closer she got, the calmer she felt. The lighter the rock in her hand became. The gentler the night breeze brushed through her. It was as if everything was falling into place. And Maddy was walking towards her destiny. And taking a hold of it. For the first time.

 

With a head tilt, Cassie eyed the rock before her face said everything she wanted to convey. She was impressed with Maddy's decision. How in such short notice, Maddy was taking charge. Leading their revenge and her revolution. Seemingly unafraid and stripped of any guilt or remorse. After all, they had a motive to be doing what they were doing. A solid motive. One that Maddy couldn't fault or find that it wasn't enough. Because it was. Besides, she too wished she had avenged her mother's death the day it happened.

 

They exchanged a look as Cassie opened the trunk and grabbed one of the gasoline gallons. She bit her lip and Maddy felt that in the pit of her stomach. Swallowing harshly, she tried to get a hold of herself. _This is wrong._ Maddy thought, two, three times. Clearly the situation they were in was affecting her judgement but not in the way it was supposed to. Instead, it was changing her perspective of Cassie. It was making her watch closely as Cassie poured gasoline on the hood of the Ferrari. Noticing how her hand was gripping the hold, her knuckles turning white and her veins popping. How a string of her hair got loose from her bun and she tried to blow it away. How her jacket looked too tight around her biceps.

 

Forcefully, Maddy pushed those thoughts away. She couldn't think of Cassie that way. Not then. Nor ever. They were family. They had been for 10 years. And even if she was to think of Cassie that way, _that_ wasn't the moment to do it. To think it. To see it. She needed to focus and do her job. So she opened the door and started pouring gasoline inside. In fairness, it pained her a little bit to see such a beautiful car go to waste but… the motive was good. She had to remind herself that the motive was good.

 

After she was done, Cassie threw the empty container to the back of the car and Maddy followed suit. She still had the rock in her hand and she walked towards Cassie, who was standing by the open driver's door. “Are you ready?”

 

“As a rock.” Maddy joked and Cassie smiled a little. “Stand by the trunk and when I say **_now_ **, light it up.”

 

“Be careful.” Cassie nodded and poked her left arm with her index finger. Something that would've been relatively normal between them suddenly felt like Cassie had put down a cigarette against her arm. It burned through the fabric of her shirt  and pierced into her skin.

 

“Always.” Maddy cleared her throat and angled herself inside the car to grab the manual clutch. “ **_Now._ **” She yelled back at Cassie after pushing down the clutch and throwing the rock into the accelerator.

 

The way it all happened felt as if the universe was giving her time. To ponder. To decide. To witness. The car breezed by her and the warmth of the flames caressed her cheek like a kiss. Maddy took a step back, in the weird sensation that she was living in another timeline. Another dimension. She watched as the car passed the gates and drove straight ahead through the garage door. There was a sound to her right but she couldn't make up what it was. And then it happened, as it always happens when ships follow siren calls, it crashed. But, unlike the sailors aboard the ship, Maddy didn't get to see the end flash before her eyes.

 

Apparently she was the only one stuck in a slow motion vortex. Cassie was wide awake in the reality of their lives and when the car broke the garage door, she knew they didn't have time to run before the impact. She yelled at Maddy to get down but noticing how she was motionless, Cassie launched herself at her and knocked both of them down. When the car hit the wall and exploded, Maddy was tucked underneath her best friend. Shielded by a curtain of blonde hair and the body of a sacrificial lamb. Because that's what they were to their fathers. Sacrificial lambs. Waiting for the day they'd bleed on an altar.

 

But not anymore.

 

It was time to take action. Change the game. Show her father that she knew exactly how to play. And if Cassie was with her, she would go the distance. She would go to the ends of the world. Destroy those who deserved to be destroyed. Punish those who deserved to be punished. An eye for an eye. And, eventually, the eyes of the price. Eventually, if she managed to stomach it all and push through, the eyes of the men that murdered her mother.

 

“I'm in.”

 

“What?” Cassie asked, rolling from on top of Maddy and getting up.

 

“I'm in.” Maddy took the hand that Cassie extended her. She looked at the house on fire, down at the hand that she was still holding, up into Cassie's blue eyes where the fire was reflecting and nodded. “Let's be partners in crime.”

 

“I thought you'd never ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter is the song Experience by Ludovic Einaudi.
> 
> A/N: Did you really think I'd leave you all standing at the edge of the cliff until next year? ;) I want to thank everyone for the overwhelming response to chapter 5. It made my heart feel warm and fuzzy, something I haven't felt for years. Thank you so much, thank you. 2019 will begin with a whole new Maddy, a whole new kind of music - as you may tell by the song that gives the name to this chapter -, a whole new world. And if you want to ask anything about anything, really, you can find me over on tumblr dot com as becksflair.
> 
> Now tell me, how did it feel to jump over a cliff?


	7. A Girl Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Rainy. Happy birthday, my friend.

**_Portland (Oregon), USA / October 28, 2017_ **

 

“Holy Moly, will you  _ ever _ shut up?” Maddy pressed her temples and stared down at the man sitting in the chair. His mouth was covered with duct tape yet his grunts and whimpers were still testing the limits of her patience. “Men are so annoying. How can you be attracted to them?”

 

“Not exclusively.” Cassie retorted instantly, their usual banter wouldn't be enough for her to look away from the tube she was shaking.

 

“Details.” Maddy waved back at her best friend. She still wasn't sure what they would do with him if the tube turned blue.

 

“And it's a match.”

 

Maddy chuckled and looked back at Cassie to see that the tube was, in fact, blue. “Would you look at that, uh?” She started, turning her attention to the whimpering man once again. “You really thought you could mix up our drugs and sell them around without anyone noticing, uh?” Crossing her arms over her chest, Maddy's clogs started turning. What to do. How to do it. So many options. “But we're gonna let you off the hook with a warning this time.”

 

In a movement that became automatic to her over the years, Maddy pulled the duct tape that was covering the man's mouth. He squirmed in pain and, rather than taking the chance he was being handed, he spoke. At first Maddy didn't understand what he said but she furrowed her brow and he repeated.

 

“ _ Bitch.” _

 

That brought a dry chuckle out of Maddy. “You really had to speak, didn't ya?” Before Cassie could tell her not to, Maddy took the advantage of sitting in the table and kicked the man's chest. Unbalanced, his chair fell back and he hit his head on the kitchen counter.

 

“Mads “

 

“It's not my fault that his parents never told him you shouldn't bounce in your chair.” Maddy turned around to meet Cassie's reproving eyes. “What?”

 

“Is he dead?”

 

Maddy tilted her head to the side and saw the pool of blood cascading through the kitchen cabinets. “At least he's quiet now.” Cassie let out an exasperated breathe. “Just say it.”

 

“You're lucky you're cute.” Cassie said with Maddy mimicking her. Of course she would have to explain this to Michael but she always got away with it because,  _ technically _ , it wasn't her fault. He fell. Just like the time a man choked on his drink. It wasn't her fault that he couldn't handle the drugs he had thrown into her drink. Or when a man blew up his car. It wasn't her fault that he couldn't reach the faulty brakes.

 

“Even if your father doesn't believe that he fell, I have a motive.”

 

Cassie stopped packing up. “What?”

 

“Dr. Frankendrugs killed two teenage girls with his experimental drugs.”

 

“When you put it that way…” The corner of Cassie's lips perked up just enough to call it a smile yet she pointed her testing tube at Maddy. “But you know we can't save everyone in this life of ours, Mads.”

 

“True. But those we can't don't have to die in vain.”

 

That had been Maddy's mantra since the day of the explosion. Since the moment she agreed to switch gears and play the game that had been played for her for far too long. It wasn't about the money, it wasn't about the drugs, it wasn't about the family business. It was about fairness. And balance. And her life had been unfair and unbalanced for far too long.

 

When they reached the hospital, Michael had already been informed of their Ferrari stunt. Even highly sedated, he held both of their hands and told them he was proud to have two girls who understood the concept of justice. And loyalty. He told them how, if there was a next time, they had to be more careful  with the way they delivered the message. In his line of work, everyone was a loose end and the more discrete they were about it, the better.

 

Both of them nodded, kissed the man good night and left to the corridor with Beth. Contrary to him, Beth had a more concerned look and her words were far from encouraging. She told them she hoped they knew what they were doing. She told them it was dangerous and no matter how strong their bond was, or their morals, corruption could still find them. And destroy them. Either alone or as a unit. And she didn't want to see them go down that road.

 

For a moment, Maddy doubted her choice. Hearing Cassie's mother speak that way made her wonder what her own mother would've said. And Maddy clenched her jaw when she realized she couldn't figure out what Nora would've said. Because it had been so long since she last heard her mother that, and it broke her heart into a million pieces, Maddy couldn't remember the sound of her voice. Only the touch of her hands and the beauty of her eyes and the warmth of her smile.

 

Feeling herself sinking, Maddy reached for Cassie's hand and held it. She didn't know if that action had passed her doubts and sadness onto Cassie but her best friend tightened the grip on her hand. Maddy exhaled. 10 years prior, Cassie had held her hand to keep her in the light and 10 years later, Cassie was still holding her hand. However. She didn't know if it was to keep them both in the light or to take them both into the dark. The dark that was inherently Maddy's. It was in her blood, afterall.

 

As they were leaving the hospital, Maddy saw her father and her brother parking the car. They were all supposed to be having dinner together since it was Nora's day, yet everyone was tending to Michael. And to Michael's they went. Once they reached the house, Cassie ran to her bedroom, tossed her carpet aside and plunked out the loose floorboard. Where there used to be chocolate and whiskey, their favourites, there were papers and notebooks instead.

 

Apparently Cassie's job at her father's brewery, the one she had always dreamed about, had allowed her to peek into his other family business. She collected everything she possibly could. His routes, his methods of selling, the products he used to have and the ones he kept producing, his enemies and his partners or co-workers. One of them, of course, was Horus Hayes. And Cassie had managed to gather a whole notebook worth of information about him too.

 

One toast to Nora and a night spent studying later, the two marched into Horus office the next morning. Cassie sat quietly, taking the definition of  _ silent partner  _ to its most literal sense, and watched Maddy face her father. All that was absent was a sword in Maddy's hand and she would've looked just as any other warrior facing a dragon. In her case, however, Maddy's sword was the knowledge in her tongue. Her attacks were informed, precise and deathly. She aimed for his jugular and left the office with a deal: 50% of everything he made from the drug cars and she would never work for him. If he wanted her services, he would have to hire her. And pay accordingly.

 

On the other side of the street, even though the deal was made on a hospital bed, it was far smoother. Maddy offered her services to Michael for free if Cassie became the owner of the brewery. He laughed at that and told Maddy she shouldn't worry about plans that were already in motion. 

 

_ “I know my daughter's dream is to own the company and I plan on rewarding her with it, when the time comes.” _

 

During the weekend that followed, Maddy slept over at the Knox's house. Except she didn't sleep at all. For one, her brain was running at 150 MP/h with the drastic changes she was imposing in her own life. What would she do when the money started flowing into her account? What would her father hire her for? What would Michael ask her to do? Would she be capable to pull it all off? Would Cassie work with her?

 

For other, Cassie was precisely the issue she didn't plan for. The surprise element of her chemical experiment. Apparently, the way she felt for Cassie during the Ferrari stunt wasn't just adrenaline based or speed induced. When Cassie's arm reached under the covers to rest across her abdomen, the burning sensation returned. And Maddy was ready for it to destroy her. She was ready for the bed to swallow her whole and save her from having to deal with it. With what she was feeling. With wanting to wake up Cassie and kiss her until they reached immortality or died from lack of air.

 

Still, when Cassie suggested they should live together in a loft she found downtown, Maddy said yes before her brain could process the idea. Living with her best friend had always been fun but that was before Maddy knew how much she loved her. That was before Maddy realized that she loved all the little things about Cassie. From the way she ordered her closet by color to the way she prepared her cereals in the morning to the smell of her shampoo to the fact that she only used black socks. But, she figured, she had lived with it for so long, it wouldn't be hard to keep going. Besides, Cassie would never love her back. Not in that way at least. And Maddy was okay with it.

 

And it was okay for a year. Cassie was promoted to supervisor in the brewery and Maddy's car shop branched out to another town, with Neptune taking care of it. Sometimes Michael would ask them to “test the waters” of a potential client. Or to “shake the waters” of a competitor. For the testing, Cassie could work her magic with her improved testing tubes. In under 30 seconds, she'd be able to tell what drugs had been mixed together and how pure they were. For the shaking, Maddy would put her years of martial arts to good use. She could break a bone or two but they would always leave the room alive. 

 

And it was okay for another year. Cassie went on a handful of dates with a guy from the brewery and Maddy had a couple one night stands, always with different women. Always blonde blue eyed women. But neither of them would bring anyone to their house. As a sign of respect, Maddy thought. Still, she found it weird how Cassie didn't introduce her as her _ sister  _ when she met the man.  _ This is Maddy, my best friend. _ The last time Cassie had introduced Maddy to a boyfriend, in her second year of college, she had made a point of calling her sister. But not anymore. And for a while, Maddy wondered what had changed. But between work and  _ work,  _ the doubts and thoughts vanished from her head.

 

And it was okay for a third year. Cassie broke up with her boyfriend on Valentine's Day and, when Maddy offered to sleep with the woman he cheated on her with, Cassie said she shouldn't worry about it.  _ I already took care of that. _ For a second, Maddy felt hope. That maybe Cassie could actually see her the way she saw Cassie. But then she added that it was a one time affair and all hope was gone. Cassie would never love her like that and Maddy had to accept it. The same way she had to accept that, for the first time, they killed a man on a job.

 

He pointed a gun to Cassie's head and Maddy, unsure of what to do, walked towards them with her hands raised. He yelled at her to stop or he would shoot but she started talking instead. Saying that no one had to get hurt. That he didn't really want to do it. That neither of them was armed, which meant it wasn't a fair fight. And when she was close enough, Cassie reached for the knife Maddy had in her belt and stabbed the man's neck. He fell to the ground immediately and Cassie fell to her arms. She never saw it and Maddy wouldn't have let her even if she wanted to. Instead, Maddy was the one that watched the blood flow while she held Cassie, and stroke her back as she sobbed against her chest.

 

And after that, it was okay for another year. Cassie was promoted to General Manager and Maddy hired a girl named Cat that didn't fit in the brewery but, as Cassie said, there was something about her. At first Maddy didn't think she had a job for her in the car shop either but the girl had a talent. She was good at listening and reporting. After discussing it over dinner one night, Maddy and Cassie agreed that she could be useful for jobs that required less action and more information gathering. And as it turned out, that was exactly what she wanted. To be a part of the Hayes or Knox's circle. When they told her she'd be part of both, she was ecstatic. 

 

_ “Whatever you need, I'm your Cat.” _

 

Speaking of cats, Maddy found a kitten hidden inside the engine of a car. After cleaning him up, she noticed how he was black and orange, with white paws and clear eyes that almost looked blue. She didn't have to look at him twice to know she was going to keep him.  _ Hairyson Ford? Seriously, Mads?  _ After she explained it was funny because she found him in a Ford, he was hairy and her son, Cassie had no other option but to say yes. The same way that if someone asked her if she loved Cassie when she found her asleep on the couch one night, with the cat curled up at her feet, she too had no other option but to say yes.

 

“Wake up, doofus.”

 

“What?” Maddy blinked twice and looked to her left, where Cassie was sitting and driving the car.

 

“Where were you just now?”

 

“Wondering if I left the stove on.” Maddy joked and got a slap to her arm in return. “Did you say something?”

 

“Open the glove compartment.”

 

With a raised eyebrow, Maddy opened it to find a white envelope inside. She figured that was what she wanted Maddy to see and grabbed it. There were no clues about what could possibly be inside and she knew Cassie wouldn't tell her if she asked. With a deep breathe and about 1001 possibilities crossing her mind, Maddy opened the envelope.

 

“No.”

 

“It's time, Mads.”

 

It had been okay for another year. And that year was the 15th anniversary of Nora's death. They had talked about it but Maddy never pondered on the thought for more than two minutes. Yet Cassie did. She spoke with her father for protection sake. She sent Cat to find the two men who murdered Nora. And when she had all the information she needed, Cassie bought two planes tickets to Dublin. One for her and one for Maddy.

 

“It's time you take me home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter is the song A Girl Like You by Edwyn Collins.
> 
> A/N: Happy New Year!!!!! I hope everyone crossed the year in a good place and let's continue our journey together, shall we? I hope this chapter is good considering it has a large time jump. Also, also, also. I have to tell you, guys, that after this chapter, we only have 3 more, meaning this story is a 10 chapter fic and we're getting closer to enter danger zone aka Marine 6 canon. Fingers crossed I can pull this off right and everything makes sense. Are you all ready for this?
> 
> (PS: Yes, there will also be an epilogue. Consider it my gift to all of you. Because I love you.)


	8. Nothing Compares 2 U

**_Dublin, Ireland / November 1, 2017_ **

 

Maddy was scared. She figured 15 years was more than enough for the men that wanted her father to forget he ever existed. Still, a part of her, the part that still had nightmares about  _ that  _ night, was scared. That they would see a Hayes had crossed the border and had had the audacity to bring someone along. That they would think a Hayes had laid back enough to figure it'd be okay to return. And then they would find them, they would hurt Cassie in front of her, as punishment for being so bold to assume she could return home.

 

And no matter how much she tried to tell herself that she was skilled, that she could take them all and walk away without a scratch, she was still scared. Not for herself. Not for her own life. Because deep down she knew the only reason she made it out alive was because some of Horus’ men appeared at the right time. Which meant that, in a way, she was a loose end. And she understood that. But Cassie? Being there with her? It was terrifying.

 

The way she exhaled when the plane touched down on Irish land gave her fears away. Cassie reached for her hand and laced their fingers. She asked if Maddy was okay because her palms were sweaty. And instead of telling the truth, instead of being honest, she swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. 

 

_ “Too hot in here.”  _ Maddy said, forcing a smile and trying to make it seem as real as possible.

 

Cassie raised her eyebrow and Maddy knew she didn't believe her. Still, she shrugged and got up. “Let's get you some fresh air, then.”

 

The car that was waiting for them had smoked windows and Maddy made a mental note to thank Michael when she returned. He must've known she'd want to walk around without being seen and required the best protection measures possibly. Even outside his jurisdiction, he was still doing everything he could to keep her safe. And Maddy would be forever in debt with him for doing that. For taking care of her as family.

 

Once they reached the hotel where they'd be staying, Maddy was surprised when the receptionist welcomed them as  _ Mrs and Mrs Knox _ . She grabbed Cassie's wrist and her best friend bit her lip, looking nefariously proud of what she had done. _ Hidden in plain sight.  _ Cassie said, boping her nose and rolling her bag towards the elevator. In that moment, Maddy wished with every fiber of her being that the room wasn't a suite. That the bed wasn't king sized. And that if it was, she wished for the Gods to descend upon her and either take her out with a lightning bolt or give her the strength to say it. Because she couldn't take it anymore.

 

Five years had been far too many years of letting her love consume her from inside. Five years of watching Cassie get her heart broken by others and five years of watching others try to make her own heart feel alive had been too much. Sometimes she felt like she could drown in her own feelings. Suffocate in her love. Sometimes she'd find herself wondering if she cut her chest open, if the love would pour out until not a single drop of it could be found inside and then she'd stitch herself back up. Completely free. But she knew that wouldn't be possible. The only available option was to keep pushing it all down. Shoving it in drawers and closets and safe vaults. Throwing them into the depths of her inner abyss. All because she was too scared to say it and lose Cassie in return. 

 

That night, she couldn't sleep. Not because Cassie was beside her in their king sized bed. Not because she was nervous about being back. Not because she knew she had a score to settle. She couldn't sleep because she was home. She couldn't sleep because she was going to visit her mother's grave for the first time. And out of everything Maddy had learned over the years, she didn't know how to deal with that. No one prepared her for it.

No one told her what to do or how to do it. No one explained to her if she should speak or just stand there. Because, when they left, Maddy was told there was no coming back. Yet she was back. And she didn't know how to deal with that.

 

They spent the next day driving around town. Maddy behind the wheel, navigating a city she no longer recognised but the memories still returning to her. In violent waves. The kind that take your breath away before you’re ready to swim under them. Or through them. But, all thanks to Cassie's calm and reassuring presence beside her, Maddy managed to survive the ghost of her own past. She managed to show her every place she liked to go and the ones she'd rather not. Like her school. Or where their old pub used to be.

 

In fact, the pub was the only place she stopped for. She parked the car in front of it and frowned seeing that it was empty. Abandoned. Clearly it had been another store because the windows were different. The door wasn't green anymore. And the name plaque had been ripped off. Cassie asked what it used to be called and Maddy couldn't remember. She wanted to smack her brain awake but the more she tried, the less it seemed likely that she'd remember the name. All that she could remember was that it used to be home and her heart sank to her stomach upon seeing  _ home _ abandoned like that.

 

_ “Who knows, Mads. Maybe one day your home will be warm again..” _

 

If only, Maddy thought to herself but agreed with Cassie anyway. Of course they both knew there was no way for Maddy's home to be warm again. At least not in the way it was before. But, looking back, Maddy was content. Happy, even. With the way her life turned out. It wasn't ideal but she did have a home. A new one. With a different kind of warmth. With a different kind of family. But it was still home. And Maddy was happy to have been blessed with it. Out of all the unlucky things that happened in her life, she truly found her pot of gold in the blonde hair of the Knox's.

 

And that night, she slept. An old black and white movie was playing on TV, her glass was filled with whiskey on her bedside table and her head was resting against Cassie's chest. She doesn't know which of the three lulled her to sleep or if it was a joined effort. But between the warmth of the whiskey, the steady beating of Cassie's heart and the slow motion of the movie, she fell asleep. And the same way she fell, the same way she woke. In Cassie's arms, with the TV still playing but the sun warming her rather than the whiskey.

 

With the sun, came the day. Nora's day. Maddy dressed in all black and used her favourite leather jacket. The necklace she had kept after her mother's death was still tied around her neck. Before leaving the hotel, she took a long look at herself in front of a mirror by the door. Focusing on the necklace and the traits of her face that resembled her mother. And they were more than a few. When Cassie reached her, Maddy turned around and saw yet another heritage of her mother: The way she fixed Cassie's jacket lapel was the same her mother would do before she left the house.

 

All thanks to Cat, Cassie had the address for the cemetery where she was. Resting, Maddy hoped. If there was an afterlife, she hoped her mother's was peaceful and, somehow, happy. There was nothing she loved more than seeing her mother smile. Her laugh used to fill the entire pub and she wished she had made her laugh more. She wished so many things. Some she would've done differently, some she would've said differently, and some…. Well, some she wished she had never done or said.

 

**11:30 AM**

 

Not a minute before, not a minute after. They arrived at the cemetery doors at precisely 11:30. And, if she wasn't so lost in the maze of her resurfacing sadness, Maddy would've asked why that hour in particular. If she wasn't so caught up in her own memories, Maddy wouldn't have simply nodded when Cassie said she wanted to speak to the gatekeeper but Maddy should go ahead. If she wasn't so distracted, pondering on what to do when she got  _ there _ , Maddy would've seen the tree root breaking the concrete pavement. Instead, she stumbled but didn't fell. She was lost but not unbalanced.

 

To her surprise, when her eyes looked ahead to the rest of the road, Maddy saw a left turn. And in that moment, she had to look over her shoulder because she could swear something passed by her. That something being, of course, another memory. Of having been there. That something had entered her mind and started making noise so Maddy would realize where she was. And once she did, Maddy exhaled in hiccups. It was the cemetery where the Hayes family mausoleum was. And it was one left turn away. 

 

However, the small yellow paper in her hand said her mother was at the end of the road, to the right. Why wouldn't she be in the family mausoleum? Rather than going in to check, Maddy walked straight ahead. In a road that felt it would go on forever. And she would walk forever if it meant her mother was waiting in the end. Because, Maddy figured, there was something she needed to say. Yet, she felt her body wasn't strong enough to take her to her destination. The tears were already falling, after all.

 

As soon as she saw the high pine tree in the green field at her right, Maddy knew. And her feet started dragging across the concrete floor. Powerless under the sudden weight Maddy carried in her shoulders. The weight of the pain she had tried to ignore for 15 years. The weight of returning to where she should've already been. And it was taking the shape of a rock. Enlarging at every step she took. Making it more difficult to breathe and to walk. If the lump in her throat wasn't already suffocating enough, she had to carry a world of pain in her back.

 

But when she got  _ there _ , everything collapsed. Maddy fell to her knees in the soft grass and hid her face in her hands. The tears that were falling from her eyes, one by one, gently and steadily, turned into a furious storm. Accompanied by thunder in the form of sobbing. Her entire body was shaking with the intensity of what she was feeling. Maddy desperately wanted to get a hold of herself before someone saw her there, like that. She covered her eyes with one hand and punched the grass with the other, in hopes that would stop the storm. In hopes that, by grabbing onto the grass, she’d be able to anchor herself before she drowned in her own tears. Which seemed like an increasingly plausible scenario.

 

“M-Mum.” Maddy managed to mumble through the hiccups and the tears. Her eyes were still covered by her trembling hand. “M-mum…”

 

Maddy shook her head sideways and the weight on her back grew, causing her to lose her balance. She crumbled down, as if she had been hit with a baseball bat, breaking her in half. With her palms against the grass, Maddy’s tears were falling directly into it. Salting the soil underneath. The soil that was supposed to be sacred. Just like her mother. Just like the person she should’ve protected. She should’ve kept driving. She shouldn’t have ventured into the woods. She should’ve-

 

“I-I’m s-s-sorry.” Finally, the words left her body and released her from the weight on her back. “I-I’m s-so so-sorry, m-mum.”  The lump in her throat was suddenly gone too.

 

“I-I turned in-into o-one o-of the-them, did-didn’t I?” Maddy confessed to her mother and her mother only. “I-I le-let the-them ru-ruin m-me, did-didn’t I?” And part of her felt bad for being ruined but, not her whole. 

 

“I sh-should’ve be-been st-stronger. Li-like y-you. B-but I-I ho-hope y-you ca-can for-forgive me-me. Fo-for wha-what I’ve do-done and…” Maddy exhaled harshly and swallowed down. “Fo-for wha-what I’m go-gonna d-do.”

 

As if on cue with Maddy breaking the shackles of the pain that was holding her captive, a hand touched her back. The place where it felt she had been hit with a baseball bat was being patched up, smoothed over by the one person capable of healing any of her wounds. Cassandra Knox. Maddy didn’t need to look over to the side. Nor did she need to smell the perfume to know it was her. 

 

“Thi-this i-is Cas-Cassie,” Maddy started, sniffing. “M-my b-best f-friend.” She continued as Cassie’s hand caressed her back. “Yo-you wo-would’ve lov-loved he-her.” She clenched her fists because yes, her mother would’ve loved Cassie. But she would have grounded Maddy, for not saying the truth. For not being honest. “S-so mu-much.”

 

Without ever saying a word, Cassie said everything Maddy needed in that moment. She reached forward and pressed her lips to Maddy’s left temple after pushing her hair aside. She sat beside her, running her hand up and down Maddy’s back until she felt strong enough to sit down as well. When she did, Cassie touched her chin with the delicacy of velvet and made her turn to the side. To face her. And there it was, the reassuring smile Maddy had fallen in love with, shining just for her while Cassie cleaned her tears.

 

“It-it’s t-true.” Maddy nodded to herself, taking both of Cassie’s hands in her own. “M-mum would-would’ve lov-loved you.”

 

“I believe you.” Cassie squeezed Maddy’s hands, giving her the comfort Maddy needed but was unable to provide herself with. “And I’m sure I would’ve loved her too.”

 

Maddy agreed with a hiccup. And for the following half hour or so, Cassie proved exactly what Maddy was talking about. She served them both two cups of whiskey, a bottle she had sneaked in inside her bag, and poured a third one she promptly placed by Nora’s tombstone. They toasted to her, to them, to the universe. For taking and giving. For being unfair yet finding a way to make things right. For finding balance in the most unbalanced of situations. For working in mysterious ways to deliver every person exactly where they should be. Even if at first it doesn’t make sense, even if it hurts, sooner or later, the reason will surface. And for Maddy, the reason was right in front of her. The beginning and the end. The reason to stay and the reason to leave.

 

_ Cassie. _

 

They spoke about all sorts of things. Telling stories as if Nora was sitting beside them. And sometimes Maddy could swear she was. Sometimes, Maddy would close her eyes and she would hear her mother’s laugh. Or maybe it was the distant thunder. Announcing a storm that had been broadcast on the morning news. And when it arrived, Maddy smiled. She felt free for the first time in her life. She felt as if the raindrops were purifying her. Right there. Between who she felt was the love of her life and the woman that gave her life for her love. Rather than running away from it, Cassie stood up and placed the whiskey bottle beside Nora’s tombstone.

 

“ _ Just in case she needs a drink.” _

 

Reaching for Cassie’s extended hand, Maddy rose from the grass with a smile in her lips. The brightest it had ever been. Brighter than the lightning bolt that illuminated the entire sky. And while Cassie shivered when the sound of thunder reached them, Maddy didn’t flinch. That was it. That was the universe telling her it was it. That was her mother telling her to go for it. It was the day. The only day. The  _ right  _ day. To go ahead and say it. The fears of Cassie rejecting her were gone. She was going to say it and that was final.

 

Except it wasn’t. When they entered the car and it shielded Maddy from the rain, it also stopped the supernatural force she felt. Her fears returned and crawled all the way up to her neck. Squeezing it, pressuring it. Stopping the air from going in or out. Maddy gripped the steering wheel, trying to find the courage again. Trying to find the spark again. But she got silence instead. A silence so loud it pierced through her ears and ringed inside her brain. It was deafening. The only sound that interrupted it, however, was a sniff.

 

“Stop the car.”

 

Maddy looked to her side, quickly at first, and then a second time to see that Cassie was crying. “Cass, are you-?”

 

“Just stop the car,  _ please.” _ Cassie pleaded and Maddy started to panic. They had caught them. They found the car, poisoned Cassie’s seat and she was losing her to the effects of whatever poison they had used. “I can’t breathe.”

 

“Cass-”

 

“Stop the fucking car, Maddy!”

 

At that, Maddy immediately hit the breaks and swerved the car to the right. She switched it off and unbuckled her seatbelt, with an urgency Cassie was clearly lacking. Effect of the poison, probably. With trembling hands, Maddy tried to reach for Cassie’s arm but her best friend moved it away. Not only that but Cassie was clearly refusing to look at her as she was looking at the foggy window.

 

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Cassie breathed out and Maddy felt her words piercing through her chest like daggers. Nothing was making sense and she desperately needed something to make sense. “And I’m tired. I’m so tired, Mads.”

 

“Of what?” Maddy spoke softly, in fear of crossing the line that was drawing itself between them.

 

With a deep exhale, Cassie unbuckled her seatbelt and faced her. The reassuring calm smile was gone and taking its place was a look of disappointment. As if Cassie knew Maddy had failed to protect her too. “I love you.”

 

Maddy frowned and her shoulders dropped. “I love you too but I don’t und-”

 

A dry laugh made its way out of Cassie’s throat and she shook her head. “God, you’re so blind…” She reached for the door handle and pushed it open.

 

“Cass, you’re gonna get sick!”

 

“I’M ALREADY SICK.” For the first time in all the years they spent together, in all the years they knew each other, Cassie yelled at her. She had never so much as raised her voice at Maddy, they had always managed to settle their issues without arguments. Yet, in that car, Cassie was yelling at her. “I’M SICK OF YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME.”

 

“What does tha-” Before she could finish her question, Cassie walked out of the car and slammed the door shut. Whatever was happening was Cassie’s choice and not a poison of any kind. That option was out and, for a second, Maddy was glad she wasn’t losing her. However, she still had to walk out of the car, in the rain, to get some clarity.

 

“Please, Cass,” Maddy appealed as she stepped out of the car and saw Cassie had already walked to the front of it. “Come back, get in the car.”

 

“And you still don’t get it, do you?” Cassie turned around and even through the rain, Maddy could see her tears had not stop falling.

 

“No, I don’t.” Shutting the car door, Maddy stepped carefully. Not to unsettle Cassie any more than she already was. All she needed was an answer, a reason. And if Cassie got more upset, she wouldn’t have it. “Tell me, please.”

 

“You’re so fucking…” Raising her hands, Cassie clenched them in front of Maddy and she had to resist the urge to hold them. To try and soothe the anger in Cassie’s hands the way she always did with her. “Ugh!” Cassie threw her hands down, defeated. “I need you to listen to me, Mads. For once in your life. Listen to me and believe me.”

 

“Please.”

 

“I love you.” Cassie repeated the words she had said inside the car and Maddy bit the inside of her cheek not to furrow her brow. She was going to listen until the very end, without making any judgement that drove Cassie away. “ _ I fucking love you, Madeleine Hayes.” _ Her best friend reinstated and slapped Maddy's collarbones to try getting her point across. “I spent four years of my life learning how to love you and 10 trying to find a way to tell you.”

 

_ I _

 

_ Fucking _

 

_ Love _

 

_ You _

 

_ Madeleine _

 

_ Hayes _

 

In that moment, lightning stroke. Thunder echoed. And Maddy had a revelation. She had spent her entire life trying to hide her feelings for Cassie. Trying to deal with herself. Tip toeing around her emotions. She had spent so long with her eyes glued to the ground that she forgot to look ahead. She forgot to look at Cassie. She forgot she had to  _ see  _ Cassie. And how blind had she been.

 

During their book exchange program, Cassie sent her a book of love letters and not a single page had been highlighted, or folded. Because she had meant for Maddy to pay attention to the entire thing. 

 

Whenever Maddy complained about a date going wrong, Cassie would nod and only give advice when Maddie asked for it.

 

The time Maddy suggested they should have a double date, Cassie said no because she was going to break up with him soon.

 

All the signs had been there all along and Maddy, just as Cassie had told her, had been too blind to see them. But that was over. Maddy saw everything so clearly now. Rather than saying what she was feeling, Maddy acted on it. She stepped forward, held Cassie’s face and kissed her. Because, even though the rain was still falling, Maddy felt like she was standing in the sun. And the sun felt good. And she felt good. And the world could end the next day, or the next minute, that she couldn’t care less.

 

Because she loved Cassie.

 

And Cassie loved her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter is the song Nothing Compares 2 U by Chris Cornell.
> 
> A/N: And here it is. The moment we have all been waiting for. And here I am. Hoping it all makes sense and flows right and lives up to the expectation. Thank you for all the questions and comments and reviews. Your response to my little story has been so overwhelming that I'm stuck in Becky holding her title after Evolution state. Thank you. So much.


	9. Slowly | Goodnight Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Ash, for that specific scene you know I wrote just for you and everything else.

_ “These violent delights have violent ends _ __  
_ And in their triumph die, like fire and powder, _ _  
_ __ Which, as they kiss, consume.”

 

Like a candle deprived of oxygen, their kiss lasted for as long as their breath allowed. And when their lungs ran out of air, their foreheads rested against each other like they had never done before. The smiles across their lips were different from the ones they used to have and the rain falling on their backs felt warm. Perhaps they were the ones that were warm, from the embrace they had been sharing for an eternity of five minutes. 

 

There was no urgency to get in the car. There was no fear from being out in the open. There was just them. In their new world where they didn’t need their eyes open to see. There was just them. Becoming one. Melting into each other like two different kinds of steel being used to form a new sword. The water that covered their union was blessing this new material. Soothing the edges. Cleansing the cuts. Forging it and taking away all the impurities. All the doubts. All the fears. Gone with the rain.

 

Their laced fingers only parted when they reached the hotel. And Maddy's hands moved at their own accord until they found each other over Cassie's abdomen. She kissed the back of Cassie's neck and smiled when she giggled. It was a reminder to both that they knew each others bodies, their ticklish spots, where to hold. Yet they were wondering strangers meeting each other for the first time. Going up on the elevator, with rain dripping from their jackets, eager to say hello.

 

_ “The sweetest honey _ __  
_ Is loathsome in his own deliciousness _ _  
_ __ And in the taste confounds the appetite.”

 

The clothes fell off of their backs with the lightness of a leaf falling from a tree at the beginning of autumn. And just like the trees that stood tall in the front yards of their family houses, forever facing each other with nothing but a street between them, they smiled. Shedding the layers that separated them from who they were to who they were meant to become. One by one. Revealing not what the other wanted to see but how they wanted to be seen. For the first time. 

 

On one side, Maddy knew if she reached forward by the waist line, her fingers would trace Cassie's appendectomy scar. A memory which fondness could only compare to the softness of Cassie's skin. And on the other side, Cassie knew that her fingertips were tiptoeing over Maddy's motorcycle accident scar.  _ Two digits below her collarbone. The size of a baby carrot. _ Had been the words her mother used to describe the injury when Cassie called the emergency room. 

 

“Hi.” Maddy whispered.

 

“Hello.” Cassie returned.

 

Still, with their bodies a breathe away, Maddy closed her eyes when Cassie kissed the one scar that didn't hurt anymore: the one from  _ that _ night. The one Cassie had promptly taken care of when the Hayes arrived at her house. The first time Maddy felt safe in her arms. And with her lips pressed to it, Maddy felt safe again. Like she had never been before. Like she had always been meant to feel.

  
“ _ Therefore love moderately. Long love doth so. _ _  
_ _ Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.” _

 

Seconds.

 

Minutes.

 

Hours.

 

Filled with laughter. With embraces that turned into something more. Every time. As if the main course had finally been served in the meal of their lives. Yet every bite had to be savoured. Slowly. As to let the palate get used to the new flavour. Wrap itself around the new texture. Patiently. To let the hands memorize a body they had already seen but had never known.

 

And just like that, between the kisses of the skin and the touch of the hands, they forgot about the lunch reservation they had. But it didn't matter. They weren't hungry. Not for food, at least. They were hungry for knowledge. The kind that could only be taught by them. To one another. Not all at once, not to confuse the sense. But one at the time. Like a secret that can only be told in pieces.

 

Together, they sailed through the hours of their new beginning. And Maddy knew Cassie felt the same. That the world could be ending outside of their hotel room and they wouldn't care. That their mattress could set itself on fire and they wouldn't move one inch. Only if it was to make them closer. Only if that inch was the final piece of their symbiosis. And, from where Maddy stood, deep in the heaven that Cassie's body provided, she figured there was no way they could possibly become closer.

 

They were one. And that was settled. For however long the universe allowed them. For however long they lived. They were one. And no one could possibly change it. Come rain or shine. Hell or high water. They were each others safe harbours. The heaven their tired souls needed to recover. For all eternity. For as long as it could possibly last.

 

Together.

 

Hand in hand. Like two halves of the same coin. One on top of the other. Spinning around and around.

 

_ Forever _ .

 

**11:30 PM**

 

After a day spent making up for the time they waisted being afraid of losing what already belonged to them, Maddy took Cassie out for dinner. It was still Nora's day, after all. And because of that, Maddy smiled when they toasted to her at the end of their meal. Like they had done for 15 years. But this time it was different. It was a toast of joy, for Nora's blessing of their union. Because Maddy knew it couldn't have happened on any other day. Or on any other place. It had to be home and on Nora's day.

 

Perhaps it was the universe rewarding her for all the pain. Turning the tables as to say checkmate. I take and I give. But, at the same time, Maddy couldn't help but wonder if tragedy hadn't found her family, if she still would've found Cassie. She wondered if their paths would've crossed some place else. Given that their fathers knew each other, it was a possibility. Yet the outcome of their encounter could've been different and she didn't want different. She wanted Cassie. With her. Forever.

 

“Ready for dessert?” Cassie's voice brought Maddy back to reality and she had to look away from Cassie's bottom lip because the way it was stuck between her teeth would've sent her back to another dimension. And she needed to focus for one very important reason: they had a date somewhere else.

 

“Cold and sweet.” Maddy hummed, leaving on the table more than enough to pay for their meal and tip. “Just the way I like it.”

 

And she liked it so much, the idea of what they were about to do, that she laughed when her  **girlfriend** demanded to take a photo.  _ You look good, that's why.  _ As if she needed a reason to be photographed by Cassie. As if Cassie wouldn't have done it either way, just like the countless other times before. Maddy often told her she had a career as a photographer had she not been born a chemical mastermind. Cassie's response had always been the same and Maddy had brushed it off until then, where she saw it from a different light.

 

“You're the only one that looks good on my camera.”

 

All the clues Cassie had given over the years came up to Maddy. Tugging at her jacket to gain her attention. To tell her where she missed it. Where she could've changed her life but didn't. Where she was too distracted to notice. Where she thought it was only friendship and nothing more. Every little thing, every little detail, coming in calm waves.

 

With the utmost serenity, the two arrived at the building of a former soldier named Eric. His last name was irrelevant but Maddy was certain he would remember hers. After, of course, she refreshed his memory as to why he shouldn't forget. The clock marked 11:30 PM and, judging by the way Cassie was playing with her lighter, it was time to settle the score.

 

As soon as they reached the 3rd floor of the building, Maddy pushed Cassie against a wall and kissed her. Just because she felt like it. Just because she could. “Focus, Mads.”

 

“I am.” Maddy chuckled, reaching blinding to her left but she was too far from the doorbell. Taking full advantage of that, Cassie grabbed her jacket lapel and threw her against that very wall. She stepped up to Maddy, who bit her lip and shivered when she saw Cassie's hand move to her waist line.

 

“We don't want to get in trouble.” Cassie's voice wrapped itself around Maddy's throat like a velvet scarf. Soft and light. She pressed the doorbell at the same time as her lips brushed by Maddy's ear. “At least not right now.”

 

Oh there would be trouble, alright. But, for the first time in her criminal career, Maddy couldn't wait for it. She didn't need to think about excuses. Or motives. Or anything to keep her mind at ease. She was going to enjoy every second of what they were going to do. Down to the moment where the lights went out. And if blood was spilled on the carpet, Maddy would accept that as a sign that no one owed anyone anything. Not anymore.

 

As soon as they heard footsteps by the door, Cassie stood in front of it, with her hands on the frame. Maddy remained against the wall, waiting for it to open by her left. The two exchanged a look and, all at once, all at the same time, their facial expressions changed. It was game time and they were ready to play.

 

“Eric!” Cassie clapped enthusiastically when the man opened the door and Maddy clenched her fists. She couldn't see his face but she remembered him as if their encountered had been a week ago.

 

“Long time no see!” Cassie continued and entered the house. Peaking over, Maddy noticed the man was too distracted by the blonde ball of energy crossing his living room to see her. In fact, he was so distracted that he didn't even notice the door didn't close. Instead, it allowed Maddy to enter the play field.

 

“Who are you?” Eric asked and Cassie stopped by the back of his couch.

 

“Who? Me?” Cassie laughed dryly and Maddy knew they were inches away from Hell. For her, she was leaving but for Eric? He was about to enter his first circle. “Oh, you don't know me.” Cassie turned on her heels and rested against the couch. “But I'm sure you know her.”

 

By the time Eric turned around, Maddy's fist was already half way up in the air. It connected with his cheek and the sound filled the room. Eric stumbled down, holding his face as if that would stop the pain and for a second, Maddy pitied him. He had no idea what was happening or what was coming. But neither did she and he took her mother anyway.

 

“Bitch.” He yelled and Maddy snorted. Given that he was slightly bent over, Maddy jumped and smacked his jaw with her knee.

 

“That's not my name, lad.” With his hair in her hands, Maddy ran to the nearest door and slammed his head against it.

 

“Do you mind if I smoke?” Cassie spoke and Maddy looked over at her, the cigar already between her lips. “I've been saving these for a special occasion and tonight seems perfect.”

 

“Make yourself at home, love.” Maddy saluted and kneeled in front of the already bleeding man. She grabbed his wounded jaw and looked deep into his eyes. “She can make herself at home, right?”

 

“Eyes.” Eric mumbled and at first Maddy thought he had said her name but, just to be sure, she furrowed her brow and held his jaw tighter. “Eyes.”

 

“Eyes? They look familiar to you?” She hoped the man wouldn't confuse the smile in her face for happiness because it wasn't. It was disgust and disdain. “I've heard people say I have my mother's eyes.”

 

With that, Eric whimpered and his face contorted in pain. With a dash of sadness. Maybe even regret but it came too little too late. His sentence had already been given and as the judge, jury and executioner, Maddy was there to see it through. To the very end. And if there were consequences, which she was certain there would be, she would take them. Gladly. Because the balance in her life had been reached, at last.

 

“That's right.” Maddy bit her lip with pride in her eyes and something else. Fire, perhaps. “I'm the Hayes you left behind, soldier.”

 

Before he could answer or do anything about it, Maddy kicked his chest and he fell back into his kitchen floor. Maddy stood up and smiled when she saw Cassie blow out the cigar smoke as she placed a disc on a vinyl record player. She raised her eyebrow in question but recognized the song right away.  _ Goodnight Moon.  _ Fitting, she figured, before turning back to her target.

 

Even though she should've known better than to get herself distracted mid fight, Maddy shrugged off the punch that found her jaw. It was fair given her disrespect for the situation. The metallic taste of blood spread inside her mouth yet she couldn't be bothered to check for the source. Instead, she launched herself at Eric and a gruelling fight began. Kitchen utensils flew around, refrigerator doors were used as shields, glasses shattered and Cassie's music kept playing. The calm before the storm.

 

If Maddy's calculations were correct, the song had been playing for one minute and forty seconds when she grew tired of it. For a former soldier, Eric was beyond unfit for combat and it showed. His recovery time was more than Maddy allowed him to have and technique lacked practice. Maddy could punish him all she wanted but the fact that he wasn't fighting back bored her.

 

When he tried to throw another punch, Maddy ducked, grabbed the knife from her holster and jammed it into his neck. Surprised, Eric reached for her neck and Maddy conceded him that final kindness. A false sense of hope. Just as he gave her when he told his partner they should let the Hayes family go. And then he laughed when his partner shot her mother down. The same way Maddy laughed when she saw his life fade away from his eyes.

 

“Tell the Devil to keep my tab open.” Maddy whispered before giving her knife a twist and pulling it out. She stepped back, with a grin on her face, watching the lifeless body of one of her mother's murderers fall down to the floor.

 

Never before had Maddy felt pride in taking a life but in that moment, she did. In that moment, as she was wiping off the blood from her knife, Maddy's lung were filled with laughter. And joy. Pure and unadulterated joy. The kind that can make your stomach flutter and your lips perk up in a smile that doesn't fade away. Regardless of any thoughts she'd have, about her mother or Michael and Beth's opinion on the matter, nothing could wipe off the happiness she was feeling.

 

And once she walked out of the kitchen, she saw someone who was equally as happy. Cassie was swaying to the sound of music and, tempted to join, Maddy simply watched. Mesmerized by the sight of Cassie involved in the smoke of her cigar and the melody of the vinyl player. It felt as if they were both in a noir film and Maddy didn't want it to end. But when it did, when Cassie opened her eyes and saw her across the room, Maddy realized her reality was far better than any noir film.

 

“You've got something,” Cassie started, gesturing to the corner of her lip and, pretending she didn't know what Cassie was talking about, Maddy shrugged. “Wait, I'll show you.”

 

Putting down her cigar and exhaling the smoke, Cassie walked through it and time slowed down for Maddy. There she was, back in the noir film. Her heroine, both in saviour and in drug, blazing through a cloud of smoke to reach her. The martyr turned criminal. For all the rights reasons in all the wrong ways. And with every step she took, Maddy braced herself for the slow motion kiss. The one that took up the whole screen.

 

Instead, “Let me just,” Cassie breathed before leaning closer. Maddy grabbed Cassie's jacket and tilted her head, revealing the bust open lip for Cassie to see it better. Reach it better. And once she did, her tongue brushed over the trail of blood. Soaking in every drop until she reached the cut. Kissing it, lightly at first, as if it was a band aid of love, her hands moved up to hold both sides of Maddy's face. And then, their inevitable collision happened. 

 

Just as the song ended, their tongues started a new melody. A warm and vibrant melody. With hints of blood and cigar. Hands that gripped onto each others face and torso. Bodies that longed to be closer even if it wasn't humanly possible. And throats that hummed in unison, as they were.

 

“There.” Cassie whispered against Maddy's lips before kissing her again. “All done, baby.”

 

“You spoil me rotten.” Maddy tilted her head and kissed over Cassie's jaw, the place where her own was hurting from the punch.

 

Cassie chuckled and looked down into her girlfriend's eyes. But suddenly her expression changed, and in a motion so swift, Cassie pulled out the gun she had in the back of her jeans. “Put it down.”

 

“Who the fuck are you?” A male voice asked from behind Maddy and she knew her guest of honour had arrived. The cherry on top of the cake had been delivered. The cold and sweet dessert of revenge was finished.

 

“Lower that and we'll tell you everything.” Cassie smiled and Maddy moved away from in front of her, still not revealing her face to the man behind her. Not to spoil the surprise.

 

“I'm a sniper. I can shoot you both with one single shot.” The man, known as Bullseye for his sniper skills and as John since birth, threatened but his voice was shaking.

 

“Darling,” Cassie snorted and took the safety off of her gun. All bluff, Maddy knew, but John didn't. “Snipers don't use hand guns. And besides,” She lowered her own gun and judging by the angle of it, Maddy was certain she'd shoot him in the thigh. “Your hand is shaking too much. So put it down. We just want to talk.”

 

“Where's Eric?” John inquired and Maddy rolled her eyes. Impatient people always got to her nerves. With a twirl she hadn't done in years, Maddy threw the knife and it pierced through John's right shoulder.

 

“See? You ruined the surprise.” Maddy sighed in discontent and crossed the distance between them. With the pain, John dropped his gun and kneeled to try getting it again but Maddy kicked it away. She closed the front door behind him, that had been open since they entered, and kneeled behind the man.

 

“Do you remember me, Johnny Boy?” She asked, wrapping one of her arms around his neck like a snake. Ready to suffocate her prey if they did a sudden move. “Because Eric took a little while but he remembered.”

 

Rather than looking away, this time Cassie rested against the back of the couch and crossed her arms over her chest. She was going to enjoy the show and Maddy felt she had to be extra good at her craft. Taking her revenge to another level. One that would satisfy her audience and her own needs. With her left hand holding the knife, Maddy pushed it further into his flesh but the man didn't scream.

 

“Where is Eric?” John repeated, pausing between every word to keep himself from giving away his pain. But the way Cassie was looking at him told Maddy everything she needed. And she twisted the knife some more but again, no screams.

 

“He's in the kitchen. You'll see him again soon.” Maddy bit her lip, forgetting about the cut and she felt it reopening. The blood spreading into her mouth and, somehow, fuelling her need for more.

 

John reached for her arm around his neck and tried to get up. But Maddy, promptly, wrapped her legs around his waist and took the knife out of his shoulder. Unbalanced, he pushed her against the door yet Maddy didn't let go of the knife. He pushed again and this time Maddy answered by cutting the back of his ear. Should he live to tell the story of their encounter, he'd be permanently deaf in his left ear.

 

“What do you fucking want from me?” John whimpered, the pain from his ear moving through his body. Maddy jumped out of his back and kicked the back of his right knee.

 

“Fight back.”

 

Clearly her request unlocked the sleeping soldier and John rose to the occasion. With an injured arm, he still managed to throw punches. And kicks. Yet none of them even so much as grazed Maddy's skin. It was pathetic to watch, Maddy thought to herself, but it was fair. She was unable to fight back the day they took her mother away and if she had, it would've been just as a sad show as the one she was watching.

 

In their fight, they circled around the couch but Cassie didn't move a millimetre. All because she was certain Maddy would keep the man away from her. Something she did when he tried to grab Cassie's hair but Maddy yanked his wrist and threw him down instead. Compared to his friend, John's technique was practically flawless and his stamina was far higher. It was obvious that he had kept training after leaving the military. But all good things must come to an end and they did at the edge of Maddy's knife.

 

When they were back by the front door, Maddy stabbed the man in the chest. Right above the heart. “You took my heart when you murdered my mother,” She raged through her teeth and kneeled down as John fell. “Now I take yours.” She twisted the knife and he started gasping for air. Another twist and he was done. Gone. The score at been settled. Maddy was free to go.

 

Or so she thought when she turned to Cassie. “Hayes.” John whispered behind her and she saw her girlfriend reach for the gun and shoot. The bullet flew by Maddy and the sound it made once it hit the target took Maddy back 15 years. She didn't need to look back to know where it had hit. Bullseye. And from the corner of her eye, Maddy saw that he had reached for his own gun. While she turned back to face Cassie in glory, she didn’t think to check if John was truly dead. And he wasn’t. Maddy could’ve been killed by him. But she didn’t.

 

“He was going to shoot you.” Cassie's voice trembled but she was growing more at ease with pulling the trigger.

 

“Thank you.” Maddy smiled, earnestly, holding Cassie’s extended hand. “You saved my life.”

 

“You're  _ my _ life, Mads.” Cassie exhaled deeply. “You’ve always been.” She wrapped her arms around Maddy’s shoulders and Maddy nuzzled her neck.

 

“You’re mine too.”

 

They stood in each others arms, swaying from side to side with no music, for a moment or two. Breathing in each other’s presence. Balancing their own universe. There was no right or wrong anymore. Only grey. There were no more scores to settle. Only lives to live. Like the ones from the residents of the building, whom Cassie paid handsomely to make sure neither of them was home that night. With the building completely empty, Maddy dragged John’s body to the kitchen and planted Cassie’s gun in his hand while Cassie started the microwave with the soldiers phones inside. They ran down the stairs and made it to the 1st floor when the explosion shook the building. They laughed and they kissed. In the middle of the last circle of Hell. On the final stairway to Heaven. When they ran out of the building, Maddy Hayes was a new woman. And from the ashes of her past, she rose.

 

Like a phoenix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter is the songs Slowly by Susanne Sundfør and Goodnight Moon by Shivaree.
> 
> PS: The photo Cassie takes of Maddy is this one https://66.media.tumblr.com/ba9698d820e091c0868711d352788f02/tumblr_pkr604qslh1r96zco_1280.jpg
> 
> A/N: First of all, I'd like to give out an honorary mention to my friend Padya, for reading the first half of this chapter and telling me Shakespeare was a wonderful addiction. Thank you for soothing my nerves about it, friend. As for our story, wow, how far we've come... And I can't believe there's only one chapter and one epilogue left. But fear not. I'll write a little somethings here and there. Thank you, once again and I'll never stop saying it, for embracing this universe I created. One thing would be for me to live in it alone but to see you talking about it with each other makes my heart feel so warm that I kind of feel like hugging myself. As ridiculous as it may sound. Thank you. Truthfully. Thank you.


	10. Paradise (What About Us?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative chapter title: Oltremare. A classical piece by Ludovico Einaudi that guided me through writing this chapter.
> 
> To Camille and Sam. For telling me to take a break when I needed and for threatening to cry if this ended badly. As I promised, it won't.

_ You’re drowning. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ You did everything you were supposed to do. You got the girl. You kept the girl. And your father got the mistrial he asked for. Everything worked out as planned. Except now, after everything you did, you’re drowning. And that wasn’t part of the plan. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ The more you squirm around, the more energy you waste and you know it’s useless. It’s futile to fight it. If only you hadn’t want to make a statement, if only you had taken the knife out of that Marine’s chest, then maybe you’d be living to fight another day. But no. You had to make a statement. You had to leave the knife behind for others to find it. For others to know that you, Maddy Hayes, did it. And because of that, you’re fighting to live. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ But the clock is ticking. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ The anchor is sinking. _ _   
_ _   
_ __ And so are you.

 

* * *

 

**_Portland (Oregon), USA / November 13, 2018_ **

 

Cassie was pacing back and forth by the door of her father’s building. Earlier that morning, Maddy received the call they knew was coming. They saw the news, they heard the rumours, they knew Horus had been arrested. And given Maddy’s reaction to it, Cassie was afraid that if the phone call came, she would go without thinking twice. It was her father, after all. And when the phone rang, when Oscar asked for help, Maddy said yes. In and out, she said. That’s all I’m willing to do, she added.

 

There wasn’t much Cassie could do about it but she asked anyway. In fact, had Maddy stayed in their apartment another minute or two, Cassie would’ve been on her knees pleading for her not to go. She had a bad feeling about the situation and her bad feelings were frequently right. More than she cared to admit. But her girlfriend could never be contained when there was a crisis. And, in her head, Maddy felt that her father going to jail was a crisis. She had to give him a fighting change.

 

For three hours, Cassie waited by the phone at home. She waited for a word, any word. By Maddy or one of the guys she had with her. Waiting for them to say everything was smooth sailing, that it would be wrapped up shortly, that the job was done. But nothing. No word, no calls, no nothing. And the clock kept ticking, louder and louder. Until Cassie reached her breaking point. She knew Maddy was too proud to ask for her help in a situation like that, especially when she didn’t agree with her going in the first place.

 

In the car, Cassie called Cat, the person she knew would give her a straight answer. And the answer was exactly what Cassie didn’t want to hear. That the job was taking a little longer because someone showed up. Someone messing up with Maddy’s plan to be in and out. Someone that pushed Maddy to ask for all hands on deck. Just not hers. Just not Cassie’s. But there was no way she was going to sit on the sidelines and watch the game play from a far. She had to help. Some way, any way.

 

And the only way she could think of was her own father. Michael Knox. However, Cassie wasn’t sure if she should ask him or not. If he would brush her off and tell her to trust Maddy. If he would deny help because she was freaking out for no reason. She was as much terrified for her girlfriend’s sake as she was for the reaction of her father. Ultimately, the thing that propelled her to enter the building was a dream she had a couple nights prior to the occasion.

 

A dream where she was drowning.

 

Maddy warned her they shouldn’t watch that movie before bed because she would dream about it but Cassie assured her it was fine. Yet she dreamt about it. And Maddy had to bring her back, wake her up and tell her everything was okay. She was safe, she was breathing. And for some reason, that dream lurked around in her brain. Peeking from behind her thoughts. Making itself relevant again.

 

“My love,” Michael reached across his desk for Cassie’s hand. “I’m sure there is no need to be alarmed. “

 

Cassie nodded, biting back the tears she could feel were coming. Not of sadness but of stress. Of fear. “You’re right,” She started and took a deep breathe. “Or you would be if this was a normal situation. But it isn’t. Someone else is there. Cat and the rest of the guys are on their way right now.”

 

“Would you be more at ease if we sent her Jeremy with the boat? Providing her a possibility to escape, should the necessity arise?”

 

With a gulp, Cassie pondered. It was a good idea, it truly was. Giving Maddy a way out that didn’t include cars that could be chased. But then… She was giving her a path through water. She was giving her a platform where, in a way, Maddy would be stuck. And it was perhaps more dangerous to use the boat than to run off by foot. Or by car, where she knew no one could outdrive Maddy.

 

“Okay.” Cassie finally said. “Send the boat.”

 

Smiling reassuringly, her father brushed his thumb over her knuckles and picked up his phone to make the call. However, Cassie didn’t feel better. Their decision didn’t soothe her fears. In truthfulness, it only aggravated the erratic beating of her heart. And as much as she tried to calm herself down, tell herself  _ it _ was just a dream and it was unrelated, she couldn't make it go away.

 

Still, she grabbed her phone and scrolled to Maddy's number. A photo of them together at home filled the screen. Cassie sighed and bit the inside of her cheek. That person in the photo with her was more than just her girlfriend, more than her partner in crime, she was her best friend. Her focal point. The reason for everything.

 

_ “Jeremy is taking the boat to you. Please be careful. I love you.” _

 

Since Maddy wouldn't answer the phone, and the sound of it ringing could disturb the operation, Cassie texted her instead. Even if Maddy didn't reply, Cassie was hoping she would at least see it. That way, even if she didn't take the boat after seeing the message, Maddy would at least know she helped giving her another way out.

 

**_MADS ☀:_ ** K

**_MADS ☀:_ ** Knox to the rescue. I'll make it up to you. Promise. Love you more.

 

For another agonizing hour, where the tick tock of Michael's pendulum clock was louder than Cassie had ever heard, she waited. Her thoughts running over every possible scenario. And 80% of them were bad. 80% of them ended with Maddy slipping away. Through her fingers. To another dimension. Because she didn't do anything to stop it. And Cassie wouldn't be able to live with herself should that happen.

 

Once again, she called Cat and, once again, she told her they had just arrived to a war zone. The sound of gunshots was audible through the speakers and Cassie felt them in her chest. The same way loud music at a concert affects the heartbeat. Except this time Cassie's heart wasn't happy with the change of pace. This time, Cassie's heart was sinking lower and lower in her body. To a depth she had never reached. Because for as much as she trusted Maddy, she didn't trust the people around her.

 

And she was aware of her state. She was aware that on the outside, she looked frightening. Pale, shaking and all too silent. Michael's assistant, Alison, tried to offer her a glass of water but Cassie nearly spilled everything, given the way her hand was trembling. She had to do something else. Something more. Because every minute that passed, it felt like the clock was ticking Maddy's life away.

 

“It's not enough.”

 

“What?” Michael asked from behind his desk and Cassie realized she had said her thoughts out loud.

 

Breathing heavily, Cassie repeated. And this time, she meant to do so. “It's not enough, dad.” 

 

“What's not enough?” Getting up from his chair, Michael began walking his way to Cassie and she was well aware of what would happen next.

 

“Everything!” She yelled, tears streaming down her face. “We need to do more. This doesn't feel right. None of it!” She continued and once her father stopped in front of her, she pressed her index fingers into his shoulders. “We need someone in the air, we need someone in the water, we need the police, we need-”

 

“Cassandra.”

 

“IF YOU DON'T CALL IT, I WILL PICK UP THAT PHONE AND I WILL MOVE HELL IF I HAVE TO.” Cassie raised her voice even more, as she knew she would. And at that, her father gripped both her wrists and shook her still, as she knew he would.

 

“I'm not going to lose the love of my life because of someone who never loved her enough.” Hiccuping, Cassie's head fell to her father's shoulder and his hands moved away from her wrists, around her shoulders. His embrace presenting the safe haven Cassie needed. As it always did whenever she failed to keep herself together and her emotions crumbled out of her like an avalanche.

 

“Alison!” Michael called and Cassie heard the door open behind her. “Connect me to the coast guard. I have a favor to collect.”

 

* * *

 

_ It's your last breath and you know it. You wasted so much air trying to fight the inevitable and here it is. One breath away. _

 

_ And you're okay with that. _

 

_ You lived your life. And you didn't love it enough for most of it but you lived it. As much as you possibly could. As much as anyone in your shoes would. You lived it. And that was that. Because at the end of the day.... _

 

_ You deserve this. _

 

_ The same way Eric and John deserved it. _

 

_ You did horrible things. And you're proud of all of them. And that granted you a place in Hell, for sure. At least it'll be warm. Unlike the water that's drowning you. But it will never be as warm as her… _

 

_ You close your eyes and you could swear you feel her arms around you. Holding you close. Ready to take you away. And you hope she knows. That while you hated your life, you always loved her. _

 

_ You smile. You see Cassie's face. Telling you she loves you too and then... _

 

* * *

 

Cassie was too distressed to sit behind the wheel but thankfully Michael had an array of private drivers. The tears wouldn't stop falling from her eyes. A mixture of relief, pain and salt. Burning a path through her hot cheeks. Michael was sitting beside her, holding her hand between both of his. Giving her strength to face what was yet to come.

 

Maybe someday she will be able to thank him because words would never be enough. Words could be taken away by the wind and what her father did for her? For Maddy? Was worth more than that. More than the entire library of Alexandria if every book had only “thank you” written. More than the grandest palace or statue on Earth. More than Earth itself. And how could she possibly thank him for that when she could barely say the words.

 

Beth, her mother, was waiting by the hospital door and no one seemed to be around. Strange for that time of the day. But Cassie couldn't care less about the affluence of the hospital. All she cared was to get there. Was to get to her. All she cared was to see Maddy and touch her. To know it was real and that she hadn't been fed false hopes only to crumble to her knees by a hospital bed.

 

Feeling the urgency in her daughter's embrace, Beth took her through the empty hall's and asked her to breathe before entering the room. She hiccuped a deep breath and then opened the door. The beeping of the life support machine was steady enough to tell her the heart connected to it was alive. The blankets draped over a cold body meant she was getting warmed up. Yet the oxygen mask in her face told another story.

 

“She was five seconds away.” Beth said beside Cassie and she heard her mother sniff. “5 seconds, they said.”

 

Cassie turned to see that her mother, too, was crying. Albeit tired and still trembling, Cassie hugged her with all the energy she had left As tight as they both needed. Because in her haze, Cassie forgot she wasn't the only one fearing a loss. Her mother was too. Just like her father, even though he did everything he could not to show her. Not to send her over the edge more than she already was.

 

“But she's here.” Cassie whispered, the smile in her face dripping on every word. Every syllable. “She's here.”

 

Beth chuckled and so did Cassie. The two Knox's pulled back and held hands, eyeing Maddy at the bed. “She's not awake yet but she's stable.”

 

“That's all I need.” Cassie sniffed once more before turning to her mother and kissing her forehead. “Thank you for taking care of her.”

 

With a smile, Beth reached for her daughter's cheeks and brushed her thumbs under her eyes. “Go be with her.”

 

Nodding, Cassie did as told. Her feet were no longer dragging across the floor like they were at her father's office. Her heart was no longer beating erratically, instead, it followed the steady beep of Maddy's monitor. Her hands were no longer trembling out of her control. Everything was calm. The storm had already passed. And they both reached the shore. Safe and sound.

 

“Hey, doofus.” Cassie spoke softly, not to startle Maddy. She pushed the hair away from her forehead with her thumb and sighed. Maddy, her personal heater thanks to being perpetually warm, was cold. Her face was pale and even through the mask, Cassie could see her lips weren't the shade they should be.

 

“What did they do to you?” She sighed again, heavily, and had to bit her lip not to start crying for the 10th time that day. “I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner.” Cassie continued, the pain in her heart forming a lump in her throat.

 

Out of all the times their lives had been in danger, they were together. Side by side. Ready to rescue the other. Prepared for the role of saviour. Of guardian angel. They had always been within reach. One step away. One punch away. One shot away. Until this time. And Cassie couldn't help but laugh about it.

 

“You know,” She started, gently stroking Maddy's cheek with the back of her hand. “The first time I saw you, I thought to myself  _ damn, I have to take care of this girl _ . And now, look at us. I still have to take care of you.”

 

Looking back at the door, Cassie could see that her parents are having a serious conversation. She couldn’t understand what they were saying but the way Michael’s hand was on Beth’s shoulder and the way she was nodding, Cassie was certain the matter was serious. And, for a second, she wondered if it had anything to do with her. Or with Maddy. She wondered if there were more bad news on their way to be delivered. Postponed only for Cassie to see Maddy in peace. And then all Hell would break loose again. The demons and the hunters would go after them. Eager to bring them down for judgment day.

 

But whatever the issue was, Cassie shook her head. There should only be something for her to worry about in that moment. And that was Maddy. That was the woman fighting for her life in a hospital bed. The woman who couldn’t see to catch a break. Whenever she found herself in peace, at ease, the same person would return to unsettle it. Always the same person. And the damage he left behind was always too much for Maddy to bare. Progressively more difficult for Maddy to fix.

 

“I know you’re not awake and you probably can’t hear me right now but…” Cassie swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded to herself. “I’m going to make you a promise. Horus will pay for this.”

 

“He already is, my love.” Michael’s voice entered the room, calm yet firm. “As of this moment, both of his children are dead.”

 

“Wha-” Incredulous, Cassie turned around to see her mother wiping away her own tears. That was the serious conversation. Oscar. Was gone too. In a fight he didn’t ask to be in. But he was, nonetheless. Because his father was his everything. Had always been. And he never left his side. “Oscar?”

 

“I’m afraid so.” Michael pointed to the chair behind Cassie and she took the note to sit down.

 

“I’m going to get you a water, Cass.” Beth said before excusing herself from the room and gently whispering to Michael, “Take it easy.”

 

Cassie knew she couldn’t reach for Maddy’s hand but she still held was felt like her wrist. With the amount of blankets on top of her, Cassie couldn’t be sure but she knew her girlfriend’s both and that had to be her wrist. In a matter of hours, Horus’ inability to accept his mistakes had cost him an entire army of his best men and his two children. What more was that man willing to sacrifice to protect his own skin?

 

“And there is something else.” As soon as her father finished the sentence, Cassie already knew what was coming after that.  _ Cat. _

 

“Don’t say it.” She pleaded, the lump in her throat returning to make her desperately want to scream. “Please. Don’t say it.”

 

“Not saying it doesn’t make it less true.” Michael held his wrist behind his back and Cassie nodded. He was right. But she didn’t think she could take any more bad news.

 

“I’m going to make him pay.” Cassie spoke through her teeth just as her mother entered the room, glass of water in hand.

 

Straightening his posture and clearing his throat, Michael shook his head disapprovingly. “You will do no such thing.”

 

“Why?”

 

“He’s going to jail. For the rest of his life.” Beth responded, handing Cassie the water. “He will pay for what he did behind bars, where he deserves to be.”

 

“But-”

 

“No!” Beth’s tone was stern and her index finger was far too close to Cassie’s face not to be taken serious.  “You heard your father. You won’t do anything about this, Cassandra. Let him live with the shame of what he did to his family. That’s punishment enough.”

 

“Not for a man like him.” Cassie countered but Beth looked back at Michael and Cassie knew there was more to the story. More than what they were letting her on. “What?”

 

“Do you think death is a suitable punishment for a man like him?” Michael began, still with his hands behind his back, still speaking as if Cassie was a teenager again, on the receiving end of one of his lectures. “Do you think that excusing him from his crimes with a gunshot is more suitable than spending the rest of his days living with them? Tormenting his every waking hour? His every breathing moment?  Haunting his dreams? Preying on his conscience?”

 

“I just want him to pay.” Cassie sighed and, in that moment, she understood Maddy’s reasons for her revenge. She understood her motives. She understood everything. Because in that moment, she too wanted to seek revenge.

 

“Then,” Maddy’s voice startled everyone in the room but mostly Cassie. She rose from the chair faster than a lightning bolt takes to strike and placed her hand on Maddy’s shoulder. “Let him pay.”

 

“Honey, you need to keep your mask on.” Beth rushed to the right side of Maddy’s bed and touched her hand, hoping to get her to keep the mask in place. But Cassie was smiling brightly at the sight of her best friend, her girlfriend, alive.

 

“You were awake?” Cassie asked, pressing her lips to Maddy’s forehead. It was certainly warmer than it was when she arrived. However, Cassie’s heart had gone back to wanting to jump out of her chest. Pounding against her ribcage. Begging to be released so he could flutter away. Freely.

 

“Long enough,” Maddy paused to inhale into her mask and blinked tiredly. “To hear Michael.” Another pause to breathe and Cassie’s smile only grew. She was outnumbered in the discussion, even Maddy was siding against revenge but in all honesty? She didn’t care. All she cared was that Maddy truly was alive. “And agree with him.”

 

“It’s good to hear you, my dear.” Michael smiled and Cassie had never felt happier. “In fact, since you’re already awake, perhaps it’s good to begin the process.”

 

“What process?” Cassie asked promptly. Just because Maddy was awake it didn’t mean she was in condition to do anything. What could they possibly want to do with her that needed to be done in that moment? So soon?

 

“When you two decided to set a Ferrari on fire,” Beth began and Cassie raised her eyebrow. Her mother was smiling at Maddy, stroking her cheek as if they had done no wrong. “I asked your father to make sure you two didn’t get into any trouble.”

 

“So I took certain precautions.” Michael continued on his wife’s explanation and Cassie was beginning to get confused. Not only that but  _ afraid.  _ “Each of you has a fake identity. With passports and every document necessary to sustain it. Should the occasion arise where either or both needed to run, you could.”

 

“Wha-” Cassie interrupted and her mother raised a hand, letting her know she should stop talking and listen.

 

“As your father said before, today Horus lost both of his children.” Beth’s words pierced through Cassie’s chest like a dagger. She looked down at Maddy, afraid she would have a reaction to the news but instead, she sighed. And Cassie wondered if she already knew. About Oscar. And if she did, Cassie hoped she didn’t see it. See him, that way. “As of today, Maddy Hayes is… dead.”

 

“But she’s here.” Cassie blinked between her parents, confused as to where they were going. And what they were doing. “She’s alive.”

 

“No, my love.” Michael shook his head. “Beside you in that hospital bed lays Grace Ailis O’Rilley Knox.”

 

“O’Rilley?” Maddy asked, shakingly holding the oxygen mask away from her mouth. “That’s my… That’s my mother’s name.”

 

“We know, honey.” Beth smiled and gently squeezed Maddy’s shoulder, reassuringly.

 

“And Knox?” Cassie shook her head. It didn’t made any sense. She would’ve been fine with all the other names but Knox? All Cassie could think of was that her parents were adopting her  _ girlfriend _ and she wouldn’t accept it.

 

“I appreciate the offer,” Maddy answered before Michael got the chance to do so. “But I think I’m,” She paused for air and rolled her eyes. Action that made both Cassie and her mother chuckle. Breathless but still as fiery as ever. “A little too old to be adopted.”

 

“We’re not adopting you, honey.”

 

“We’re asking you to marry our daughter.”

 

* * *

 

_ You want to laugh. Loud enough for your father to hear and know you’re alive. _

 

_ You want to laugh. Loud enough for everyone to know that you’re happy. My God, are you happy. _

 

_ If only Cassie could see the look on her face, she would laugh too. The shock contrasts with Michael’s serenity and Beth’s happiness. And that’s exactly how Maddy remembered the three Knox’s. Always balancing between serenity and overjoy. Always juggling their emotions between two polar opposite points. _

 

_ And in that moment? You want to laugh. _

 

_ Instead, you reach for Cassie’s hand and slowly, because your body doesn’t allow you to do it faster, you bring it to your lips. _

 

_ You kiss her ring finger. _

 

_ You’re alive. _

 

_ You’re with the family that found you. _

 

_ You’re with the love of your life. _

 

_ You’re a Knox. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter and this story is the song Paradise (What About Us?) by Within Temptation. 
> 
> A/N: Here it is. The end to our story. The final scene of the movie. The last note of the song. Or is it? Just like any good movie nowadays, I too have a credits scene up my sleeve. The epilogue. And I will write my final thank you's and get really emotional there. Until then, I give you, the exclamation point.


	11. Epilogue: Saints and Sinners

**_Dublin, Ireland / November 1, 2019_ **

 

You close the gate and pick up the wet cloth from the table beside it. Cassie doesn't appreciate when you go into the pub with oil in your hands. Even though everyone knows you run a car shop beside a pub, she's always scared someone will call for an inspection and get it closed. You always laugh at that because no one would even think about doing such a thing. Let alone make the actual call.

 

But you love and respect your wife so… Chuckling, you realize you still haven't gotten used to calling her your  _ wife _ . But the papers are signed. The wedding ring is in your mother's necklace, every day around your neck. You say it's safer that way or else it'd slip into an engine or something but Cassie keeps saying it's a metaphor. And you're okay with that.

 

The lights are off, everything is in place and ready for the few hours you open on Saturday morning's. And you're already late. It's 8.30pm and you should already be in the pub. However, you know Cassie will forgive you because it's Nora's day. You both went to the cemetery in the morning and you both went to work late. Which, obviously, meant you'd be in the pub later than usual.

 

Still, as you hold the handle of the door that separates your car shop from your pub, you can't help but think about the year that lead you there. To that place. To start, you almost died, which was a lot. And recovering from that was… _intense_. You still don't feel safe around water and for the first few months, Cassie had to shower with you because even that was suffocating.

 

Then, about a week or so after it happened, Cassie told you about the plan for your funeral. And you finally understood why tickling is considered torture. You laughed with your oxygen mask pressed to your mouth because you couldn't breathe but you still wanted to laugh. How incredible it is that you got to attend your own funeral? It was certainly an outer body experience.

 

Contrary to what Beth's colleagues advised, you begged to be there. Breathing was getting easier but you still brought the oxygen with you, just in case you needed. The car where you were hidden was far away enough for you not to be seen but close enough for you to see everything. And when you saw your father arrive, you started breathing heavily. With your mask in hand, you watched him make his way through the crowd and reach the coffin.

 

Beside him stood Michael, apparently unbothered, Beth, who could've had an award winning career as an actress had she not been a nurse and Cassie. Laughter started filing your lungs before it reached your mouth. Even from a distance, you could see Cassie playing with her lighter and when she saw Horus, you could swear you saw her set him on fire. Right then and there. Instead, she did something even better.

 

Cassie walked to him, hugged him and whispered in his ear. She later told you she said she hopes he burns in Hell before she gets there. And then? Then you had to use your oxygen mask because, well, Cassie sure knows how to take your breath away. She always does. In your own funeral, she looked your father in the eyes and headbutted him between them. He fell back into his bodyguard's arms and everyone pulled out guns from under their coats. Mobs and their trust issues.

 

For a second, you have to admit, you considered joining in. Making a grand entrance. A triumph march to the coffin. Pride exuding from your body, along with confidence. But then you remembered Michael's words at the hospital. About Horus deserving a life in jail to rot in his own shame and you'd rather have that. Besides, you did feel a little bit avenged with Cassie's actions. Even if that got her a lecture from Beth on the way home, you made sure to kiss her forehead and tell her how proud you were.

 

Another week went by after that, the news of Horus going to jail for a number of crimes too large to list, making front page of every newspaper. There were rumours about him being extradited to Ireland but Michael collected yet another favour to stop that from happening.  _ Consider this my wedding gift to you both,  _ he told you after being 100% sure Horus would stay in an American prison.

 

By the time you were feeling stronger, it was already Christmas. You thought you'd spend it alone, hidden from the Knox family but Beth said they knew everything. And surprisingly, they did. Before dinner on Christmas Eve, Michael made a speech explaining how your new identity would work and how inside the house, you could still be addressed as Maddy, but never outside. At the end of it, he raised his glass and toasted to a new era in the Knox family. With you and Cassie sitting on top of the table, across from him, you realized he meant he was passing the torch. To you.

 

While the kids were playing, and everyone was enjoying the evening, Michael and Beth asked you to join them in his home office. For the first time, you saw your new documents and you made a point to ask about your new name. Beth reached for your hand and you turned your palm upwards so she could hold it.

 

_ “Grace because you have been nothing but a blessing to our family. Ailis because Michael wanted to honour me. O'Rilley because Cassie told us it was your mother's family name. And Knox. Because you've always been one of us.” _

 

Bringing it to your lips, you kissed the back of Beth’s hand and used the other to shake Michael’s. You hadn’t realized how important they had been in your life until that moment. The moment where you almost lost everything. But to have them there? Giving you a way out, another chance so to speak, was more than what you thought you deserved. And more than you could ever thank them for.

 

But they had another gift for you. Michael placed a black folder on top of his desk and Beth called Cassie into the room. You opened it and inside there were two black rings with black diamonds on them. Instantly, you knew the one with the bigger rock was Cassie’s and the simpler one was yours. Underneath them were your wedding papers. Cassie had tears in her eyes and that smile you love so much was shining brighter than ever. That’s all you needed to see. You picked up the pen and signed the dotted line below your name. You kissed Cassie’s cheek and handed her the pen.  _ Merry Christmas, _ Cassie chuckled before signing as well. It was the perfect wedding and you wouldn’t have had it any other way. Especially after what Michael said when you were sliding the ring into Cassie’s finger.

 

_ “As you both know, there are many families in America as well as around the globe. Being the leader of one, it was always in my best interest to marry Cassie within the families. And for years, I navigated between endless files of possible candidates. That was until I realized that the most perfect union was under my nose from the very beginning. And as a father, I could never go against that.” _

 

From that moment, you were officially a Knox. Proudly so. And with a family name like that came all the responsibility you didn’t know you had to take. Michael shared with you his plans for the company. Both the legal and the illegal. How he wanted to branch out the brewery to Europe and Dublin seemed to be the right fit for the expansion. At first you weren’t sure about it but after Cassie travelled to Dublin to see the future headquarters, it was settled.

 

By the beginning of February, everything was already in motion. And it was moving faster than you could grasp. At times you were a little lost, at times Cassie was a little lost. But at the end of the day, you were in it together. And whatever was thrown at you, together you’d be able to figure it out. As the cohesive unit you had always been. 

 

And, as a unit, you boarded the plane to Dublin in March. The brewery was beginning production and everything looked great but you didn’t feel like you truly belonged there. In fact, you had never worked there. Sure, you were on the receiving end of extensive explanations and one sided conversations about it whenever Cassie needed to vent but that was that. And Cassie knew it. So she drove you to where your old pub used to be.

 

When she parked the car in front of it, you remembered. It used to be called  **_Sinners_ ** . Your mother used to say that the only way to wash up a sin was with alcohol. Because alcohol would cleanse your body and your soul. Somehow... Yet there it was again. Right in front of you. The green door. The “Sinners” written above the window. Everything was clean and it smelled like fresh paint. But the surprises didn’t end there. Beside it was a new car shop named  **_Saints_ ** . Something you didn’t remember ever being there.

 

_ “How does it look?” Cassie asked, her hands behind her back and you looked at her in disbelief. _

 

_ “It looks fucking great, that’s how it looks.” You shrugged, unable to figure out what else to say or do about the sight. “Can we come here someday? So I can buy a drink to the owner?” _

 

_ “Why don’t you do it right now?” Cassie said and wiggled a keychain in front of your eyes. “I heard the owner is a hot piece of ass but she’s married so....”  She winked at you and you froze. You couldn’t believe what she was saying but it was registering on your brain. With the softness of the velvet that you're certain the God's used when they created her, Cassie tapped on the back of your hand. “Can’t really hit on that.” _

 

_ “THIS IS ALL MINE??????” _

 

It was, in fact, all yours. Cassie went above and beyond to make your home warm again. While, at the same time, bringing a little bit of your American home as well. And you could swear you had never loved her as much as you did in that instant. Then again, you always found new and more intense ways to love her. Which meant that, obviously, you had to thank her accordingly. And you did. Once, twice and a third time just to be sure she understood. You would've kept thanking her until your lungs ran out of air, for good this time, but being the professional she is, Cassie said you needed sleep. Work was waiting early in the morning and you needed all your strength to begin this new life.

 

Still, later that night, you sneaked out of bed and called Michael. You asked him about how things were in America and he told you everything you wanted to know. Horus was still in jail. Neptune had received the codes for your car shop bank account and was taking care of the papers to turn it into a franchise in your honour. Every single one of your employees was thriving thanks to the money that was transferred to them after your “death”. Everything was smooth sailing and so should you.

 

Months went on and your empires grew. The brewery became largely famous among the artisanal beer circuit in Europe. Saints was considered the best car shop in the country. And Sinners was, well, Sinners. The Knox drug circle lived between drinks, darts and pool tables. It was underneath the walls, hidden in plain sight. But rising. Like the beating of your heart. Growing stronger every day.

 

While your transactions never happened on either of your three buildings, others found their way there. Others that, as you discovered by asking the right questions to the right people, were already there before. And you posed a threat to them. A lethal one. Because your product was not only better, it was pure. Unlike theirs. With the client list going down and yours going up, they figured selling their stuff in your pub was a statement enough.

 

But they didn't know you were waiting. Patiently. Silently. For them to feel so at ease that they wouldn't see it coming. You waited like a leopard, watching, carefully. And while you waited, you went over the plan. Time and time again. With Cassie and with your contacts in the police. The one's Michael said were crucial for business. And you proposed a deal: they would let you clean up the loose ends in exchange for the heads of their leaders. One by one. Thrown into jail. Because there's one thing to have the evidence, there is another to catch the guy.

 

And, as it appeared, today was your lucky day. As soon as you closed the door and walked through the small kitchen that led to the counter, you saw them right away. Always the same three men. Always the same table. Waiting to be caught. And you were eager to catch them.

 

“You're late.” Cassie said as you passed between her and the drinks cabinet. The space behind the counter was small which meant your entire body brushed against the back of hers.

 

“And you're beautiful.” You press your lips to the back of her ear and smirk when you feel her hips shiver in your hands.

 

“Who's that?” A man at the counter asks and you realize Cassie was pouring him a drink.

 

“Who? This?” She points her thumb in your direction and he nods while Cassie pushes the cup in front of him. “This is Grace, the owner.”

 

“Pleased to meet ya.” You stretch your hand to him but Cassie steps on your foot. That's her tell. The man isn't who he says he is and you should proceed with caution.

 

“I'm pleased with your employee.” He jokingly replies, half drunk and you make a point of squeezing his hand harder.

 

“Really?” You ask through your teeth and watch his expression shift with pain and the sudden realization that your hand is tougher than his. Which tells you that he's the prey you wanted to catch. And, on the other side, tells him you're the skilled predator who was waiting for this exact slip.

 

“Yes.” He manages to mumble and you let his hand go. “But I don't like you. Not anymore.”

 

“Oh no,” You fake being offended and, through the corner of your eye, you see Cassie reaching for the emergency shotgun under the counter. It has never been used but you make sure it gets cleaned and loaded every Saturday. Just in case. “How can I make it up to you? We can only have satisfied customers in our humble abode.”

 

“I want  _ her _ .”

 

You're not sure if he means it as payment to keep you alive or if he means it in a drunken way. In fact, you're not even sure if he's as drunk as he seems. Still, you look at Cassie and she bites her lower lip with nothing but fire in her eyes. You know she wants this as much as you do. You know she's been itching all over to do it again. And you can't deny a leopard of it's primal needs, let alone your craving wife.

 

“Okay,” You tell him, stepping closer to the counter so that he can't see you reaching for your new knife. This one you'll make sure to keep. “But you have to make an effort, lad. Reach for her.”

 

He smiles, incredulous that you're actually taking his bait. That the rumoured head of the Knox organization would be so easily fooled. And the three men at the table watch with attention. Waiting for his signal or for yours. Which brings a chuckle out of you. Because they really thought they had you.

 

A scream erupts from the man as you stab his hand on the counter. “You know what the punishment for theft was in the olden days?” You turn the knife around and watch as his men do nothing to help their screaming leader. “No hands.”

 

“You.” He begins but the pain has a hold in his throat that unables him from speaking. “Will. Pay.”

 

“But you're here alone.” You throw out the net and wait for the fish to get caught in it. Unlike fishing in the ocean, where you have to wait for them, your fish are quick to jump from their chairs with guns in their hands.

 

“Cass.” You start and hear her cock the shotgun beside you. “Happy anniversary, baby.”

 

And just like that. You're back to business. You're back to doing what makes you feel alive. You're back home. Where you belong. With the only person who belongs with you. _ And in the end, it was a typical Friday night at the Knox's pub, after all. _

__

**_THE END_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter is the song Saints And Sinners by Aurea.
> 
> A/N: And here we are. The end. I can't believe this. Two months have passed since the first chapter was posted yet it feels like I've been telling this story for years. Living it, even. Inside me and it just happened to come out now. It was an incredible ride and I still can't believe so many of you joined me. It blows my mind, it truly does. But I'd like to say:  
> Thank you everyone who left kudos.  
> Thank you everyone who left reviews.  
> Thank you everyone who messaged me on tumblr about this story.  
> Thank you everyone who encouraged me in some way.  
> Thank you Ash, for telling me to write this. You were right. The story is good. And no one would've seen it if it wasn't for your unconditional support.  
> Thank you Rainy, for sharing your theories with me and making me see that others were feeling this as intensely as I was.  
> Thank you Camille and Sam, for telling me that taking breaks was okay, just like writing for myself.  
> Thank you DC3, I still don't know your name but I hope you know I will forever hold /that/ review in my heart. Even if I still don't think I deserved it.  
> Thank you Ge, for all the encouraging memes you sent. They made me laugh, every single time.  
> Thank you tumblr user Vicksss, for giving me an excuse to write more about this story. >>>>>Cassie's reaction to receiving her beloved black lighter will come out /February 22/. I need a vacation now ahaha<<<<<  
> And I could go on for days, thanking everyone left and right, and I still wouldn't be able to express how thankful I am. To every single one of you. I've been stuck in Becky holding her title after she won LWS since November 22. All thanks to your overwhelming response to this story. I wouldn't have finished it if it wasn't for all of you. So THANK YOU.
> 
> My name starts with S and you can find me on becksflair dot tumblr dot com.  
> I hereby bow to all of you. Thank you. With all my heart. Thank you.
> 
> So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye  
> I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye  
> Goodbye!  
> I´m glad to go, I cannot tell a lie  
> I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly  
> The sun has gone to bed and so must I  
> So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye  
> Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye  
> Goodbye!


End file.
